New new new

I will no longer be posting to this blog. For any new updates see:

megpiesnest.wordpress.com

Thanks :)

Bump

Ok, InfOnline has finally added the spring term to its enrollment options. Only problem? I owe them $108. So I can't register until I pay that off. Which isn't too dramatically bad, considering I could owe them an entire semester's worth.

So I'm going to drop some money on that tomorrow, and hope that my AE check will cover what I need it to. It should. My hours were decent.

Other news. I'm now obsessed with Braveheart. Yeah, the movie I told The Boy I never wanted to see because it was "too violent" and truth be told I thought there would be gore in the last scene. So I avoided it up until it came on from the beginning (I hate starting movies from the middle) on TV while he and I were enjoying our anniversary getaway. So we spend 3 hours watching a cut-for-TV version of Braveheart, and I absolutely fell in love. So much so that on the following day I went out and bought it. I've seen it twice since. I'm just addicted to the love story in it, I guess. Not to gush but the line "I will love you, you and no one else" just gets to me. It takes real devotion to promise that to someone and believe fully that your love will endure. Then again this WAS 13th century Scotland and things were different then. Then, divorce didn't exist, much less at a rate of 50%.

Sorry. Gushing.


Oh, semi-big news!

I've decided on shooting for a study abroad program this coming summer...to Ireland! I've even narrowed it down to a couple Irish Studies programs and a couple different locations. I'd really like to go to Galway and learn Gaelic and immerse myself in the culture that I ancestrally identify with. Which brings me to my next news bulletin:

I'm getting my first tattoo. I'm going down to the artist tomorrow to discuss size, price, color, etc. I'm getting an Irish harp on my ankle. I've thought about this for a while now and I think I'm finally ready to just...do it. And it helps that I've seen this artist's work and I've been there while she did my friend's scorpio symbol. I know she's really cool and that she's a really really good artist. I was blown away with her portfolio. So I'm really looking forward to working with her.

Nothing else super exciting is going on. Other than its 3:13 AM and I'm not even remotely tired, yet I have to get up early to volunteer and I won't get a chance to nap later on before work. Which brings me to that pleasant topic, I've decided to just stick it out with the unprofessional "supervisor" until mid-December, which is when I'm quitting for school. Granted, that gives me most of January with not much to do, but hopefully by then I'll have something put away for things.

Ok I'm done with my early morning ramble. Night everyone!

New

So I'm thinking of switching from a blogger account to a wordpress account. I like the feel of wordpress better, and I like the layouts as well. Problem: I have a custom domain name paid for on my google account, linked to this blog. I have absolutely no idea how to transfer the domain. If I even want the same domain. I feel like the nickname "kittymoose" has been for the most part outgrown. I'm trying to form a more professional, grown up image here.

Anyways. I have no idea how I'm going to do this, since I've already paid for a year of domain name-age, and it's so cheap, like $10 per year for the name.

I don't know, I'm just getting that craving for new, new, new. Even though most of the things I have are relatively new, and I shouldn't be wanting more. And I don't have any funds to gain more. There's a matter of phones to pay off before that happens. I'm hoping to have mine paid off within a month, though I have 4 months on the payment plan. The only item that I rrreeeaaalllyyy want is a new winter coat. Even though the one I have is perfectly fine and is less than a year old. I just have a craving for a wool peacoat. Like the Calvin Klein one I found at Burlingtion Coat Factory for $100. I SUPPOSE that will have to wait til christmas.

Ok, this materialistic thing really needs to stop. I don't think I'm ever going to get to where I want to be if I just spend all my time now spending money. It's just that I'm GOOD at spending money, and not so good at earning it. Note to self: work on this immediately.

Show

Last night I went to a show. It was actually the first one in a long time for me, at least since Summerfest. I was pretty amped because I love, love, love the headlining band. Roster McCabe. If you're into a sort of funky, instrumental/jazzy regge with great vocals sound, check them out. They're on iTunes and this is their website.

The first opening band, Waterstreet, was actually pretty good. They were giving away free demo CD's and I'm excited to give them even more of a listen.

The second "band", however, really took the cake. He could have headlined for himself. Heatbox. One man beatboxing band. Really really talented. Everything he did made you want to get up and dance. He sampled the Fresh Prince theme, Tetris, and Digital Underground's Humpty Dance. I was really really impressed. Actually, I'm listening to videos on YouTube currently.

Finally, Roster McCabe played. Some drunk girl was like "YOU'RE TOO SHORT" and pushed me all the way up to the front of the crowd, which was really, really amazing. I had a really good time, even though I thought I was going to pass out from the heat.

Nothing else exciting has been going on lately. I can't wait to quit my job at Subway. I might just suck it up and quit ASAP. I hate that job so much. Worst thing I've ever done with my life. Also, can't wait to finally schedule my classes and make that commitment. Still looking for better employment, but with the way things are, I'm not holding my breath.

Also, I have a flat tire. Very sad, but hopefully just some air will do the trick, since I'm pretty sure its the temperature change that did it. Lame.

Okay, I have to get off my bottom and clean, then go to work. Maybe I'll just quit tonight. Isn't that a nice fantasy? Later.

Still

Well, I'm still not feeling well. I haven't had a chance to get to a doctor or anything, but I'm guessing its either a cold/flu/extreme allergies. I have no idea when I'll actually go to a doctor, so hopefully this will just go away.

I also have a dentist appointment coming up. The universe loves me.

In career news, I've also begun to send out resume's and feelers. I need to replace my AM job at AE, quit Subway, and hang on to the once-a-week hostess position. Hopefully I find something good that isn't retail and pays more than minimum wage. I know, I'm asking a lot.

I don't really have any other news. Stay tuned for pictures of my new bedroom setup though! I know you're excited about that one. It's all from Ikea :)

Planner

I think I might have found a planner that I actually like. It's not the one I was eyeing up, but it was also half the price. So, I'm gonna go with it, and if all else fails and I prefer a different one once xmas rolls around and I have the money for the big one, I've only "wasted" $7.

I'm feeling really good about being up to date with all of my bills. It's like the weight of the world is temporarily off my shoulders.

And to top it all off, I'm headed to IKEA with a couple friends of mine on Sunday :)

I'm getting an actual bed with a headboard and footboard and everything. And new bedding. And a dresser that isn't made of plastic. And cookie cutters that are shaped like wildlife. And this clock that I've been obsessing about. Maybe a mirror and some frames to make the "postcard art" look classy. Next paycheck I'm ordering a black and white of the Eiffel Tower from posters.com for only $10. I've got this parisian theme going on in my mind. Pink and grey. Can't wait!!

Lets see, anything else? Super excited for classes in the spring, even though I have no idea what I'm taking because I can't register until November 6th. November 7 and 8 I'm going on a mini-vacation to House on the Rock with The Boy to celebrate our three year (omg) anniversary. October 22 I'm going to see a really awesome jam band with my cousin and my uncle, I'm SO excited about that. We discovered them at Summerfest, and since they're from Minneapolis, they mostly tour the western part of the state. But they're coming to the Mirimar and I just can't wait. I'm glad that it falls on the day after I get paid so I can splurge on a t-shirt :)

That's pretty much my life right now. I need to get to bed so that I can wake up and be at work by 11. Ten bucks says I'm awake at least 2 more hours. That extra shot of espresso was probably not wise. Maybe I'll clean? More likely read my book. Cheers!

Organized

Right now I'm taking a quick blog break from doing the following (pretty much all at once):

Uploading and organizing photos from my mom's camera
Adding CDs to my iTunes library
Organizing my planner/binder of bills
Getting my room ready for my new things from IKEA
Flipping through a magazine

I feel very productive.

I need to make a doctor's appointment tomorrow, however. I've been sick for a solid 2 weeks now, and I could probably use a flu shot.

Tube

So, I'm having a hard time sleeping. I was dozing earlier, but had some stuff to do, so now I'm wide awake (second wind?). And in sitting in the dark, I got to thinking. And in getting to thinking, I got myself into a bad mood.

And then I started watching stupid things on youtube.

And now I'm unable to stop smiling and/or laughing. See? Modern technology is good for SOMETHING.

:)

Stress

I've just been stressing lately.

Today, I paid a ton in parking tickets. I thought I had fewer and was expecting to pay less. But no, surprise, extras you forgot about. Fun.

I'm sick. Again. I've been steadily sick for at least 2 weeks now. Probably time to see a doctor.

My parent's house is driving me nuts. Not my parent's themselves, the house. It's falling apart. The landlord doesn't do repairs because its "too expensive". Well guess what, maybe you shouldn't have purchased a 100 year old house that is in a state of disrepair, and expect your tenants to just deal with it. Honestly, if it were up for rent, I wouldn't move here. Even if it were really cheap rent. Okay, maybe if the rent was REALLLLLLY cheap, like $200 a month cheap. Because I'm not paying almost $600 for three tiny bedrooms (almost too small for beds!), nasty carpet, nasty flooring, needs to be painted DESPERATELY, oh and the drywall behind the shower surround is actually falling into the shower now. Mind you, this could have been replaced when he purchased the house...3 or 4 years ago. No, he lets things get so bad... Ugh.

Long story short, I cannot keep living like this. I need to be out of here ASAP.

Because I miss my space. I miss having a livable apartment (even though it had ants), I miss knowing that The Boy would be home, in my bed, every night, and that if I had a nightmare (prone to them) he'd be there to cuddle me. I miss my cat, even though he was a little devil at times, I miss that he'd sit next to me while I read and would knead my leg looking for attention. I just miss everything.

I also wish that the barter system were still in place. I would not have the problems that I'm having now.

On the plus side, I baked up the cake for The Boy's Planet Express Birthday Cake! It's a white cake from scratch using one of my mom's old recipes from the stone age (okay, more like 1980). I'm going to frost it tomorrow, and Wednesday is his birthday.

Also, the count down to IKEA is now 5 days!! I can't wait. I'm finally going to be able to put my clothes away in a dresser and sleep on a bed that isn't just a mattress and boxspring on the floor!

I'm also getting on top of my debt, slowly but surely. After all, that's how the tortise wins the race right? Although I wouldn't mind paying things off at the hare's pace.

Okay, good night everyone. I hope we all feel better in the morning.

School Pt 2

Okay, I can't register for my classes until November 6th. This is gonna be a long wait. I just want to register, have Christmas, and GO BACK TO SCHOOL ALREADY.

I need to get out of the rut my life is in.

I need to get the eff out of Stallis, because I hate this place.

I need to be in a place that makes me happy every time I wake up in the morning.

But most of all, I need to be able to pay for these things.

I don't work until 4 today, so after this blog (I write to get myself in the mood for writing) I'm going to grab my notebook, and start tooling myself a good resume. Then I'm going to actually apply for jobs. For real. Probably using the fax machine at work that I'm pretty sure we can't use for personal stuff but the manager did so I'm just gonna fake ignorance.

Other things.

I spent most of yesterday with The Boy. It was a really really good evening. I got most of my halloween costume (We're going as Velma and Shaggy) from Goodwill. Except I found out that Velma does not wear a brown skirt and brown loafers. She wears red. I find this out AFTER I buy the PERFECT brown skirt and the perfect brown loafers. Oh well. We're gonna use our imaginations, because there's no way I'm finding a red skirt or red shoes anywhere close to that perfect. Plus now I need orange knee socks, which are apparently non-existant. Probably going to have to get them from a halloween store, which means my costume will no longer be 100% thrifted. Close though

I'm sick again, got this weird sore throat + cough + general miserable feeling going on. I have to work tonight, but maybe someone will take a few hours of my shift and I'll get to come home early.

That's all I really have to say for now. I hope I can refrain from doing nothing but snacking at work tonight. Peace!

School

I've wasted the last year and a half, school-wise. So, this is my plan:

Step 1. Find a better full or part time job in the mornings.
Step 2. Quit my night job, work morning job and Friday night job only.
Step 3. Begin the semester from Hell, AKA 21 credit course load.
Step 4. Get at least 3.7 GPA, retake all classes less than B. Get higher than B.
Step 5. Transfer to UWM. Earn undergrad in possibly Biology. Keep 3.7+ GPA.
Step 6. Get excellent score on GRE/MCAT.
Step 7. Find and apply to Veterinary schools.
Step 8. Be awesome at Vet school.
Step 9. Become DVM.
Step 10. Enjoy life as a Veterinarian. :)

East

Last night I spent the night on the Eastside with my cousin. I love it down here. I can't get enough. I think I know where to start apartment hunting when the time is right.

I'm currently the only person awake in her house, and I'm just sitting around surfing the internet and playing with her roommate's cats. One of whom spent the whole night curled up with me on the couch. She must have known I've been missing my kitty.

Anyways, not much is new with me, or different. I'm not feeling 100%, but nothing a good dish of eggs and hashbrowns from Webbs won't fix.

Recluse

If I seem distant from everybody lately, I promise, I'm not mad, depressed, or anything else. I'm just taking some time from everybody else to focus on me. Not in a selfish way. In a self-promoting way.

It has come to my attention (actually it's always been in the back of my mind, but I was reminded of it in stark truth) that lately I've been putting on a happy face and going with the flow. I have 3 jobs that are a huge waste of time (to me). I'm just stuck in this cycle of going with the flow and it needs to stop. I need to take a step back and meditate on what's important to me, what I'm worth, and what I can do to get to where I need to be.

I need to stop basing my life decisions around what other people think I should be doing, or how other people may react. I'm learning that those that make a big deal out of my decisions don't need to be a part of my decisions, and those of my friends that don't freak out on me, are the ones that will stick around no matter what.

Above all, I need to learn to love myself. I'm really working hard to get to that point. Right now, I'm realizing that who I am now and who I want to be are not the same person, and I'm also working hard to become that person. I'm making some changes to my lifestyle, and hopefully that will add to my self-love experience.

So to anyone I brush off, please, be patient. I just need time in my chrysalis to become the beautiful butterfly I always knew I'd be.

Waste

So I just got done reading the FAQ booklet for the Vet Tech program at Madison. And now I know for sure that I don't even qualify. Because my grades in high school weren't good enough. Also, the program is highly competitive and I should have applied on the 1st, as all spots are likely to be filled already (they only accept 64 students per semester). Well, I suppose at least now I don't have to bother with the hassle of getting everything sent and paying the fee.

I just feel like I really dropped the ball on life. If I'm being totally honest with myself, I know that there's a 98% chance I won't return to college. I wish I could go back to 9th grade me and yell at myself. I wish I could tell myself to just suck it up and do well, because when you're 20 you'll be sitting in a tiny bedroom in your parent's apartment crying because your GPA was .001 too low for you to get into a program you really wanted to go for. I wish I could go back and tell 18 year old me not to move out of the house so soon, because when you do get accepted to the nice, expensive school in Iowa, you won't be able to stay because you'll be too financially tied to your apartment. I was told on graduation night that from this point on, nobody cares what your high school GPA was. What a load of shit. Actually, a lot of people care what your high school GPA was. And how many extracurriculars you participated in. And whether or not you volunteered. I didn't realize any of that was important until oh, senior year. Too late.

But I can't go back and warn myself. So I'm stuck, basically. I didn't do well enough in high school. I didn't do that well in college. I see a long stretch of low paying retail and food service jobs splayed out ahead of me and I just want to shoot myself now and be done with it.

I honestly have no idea how to proceed from here. Do I keep going to school for nothing? Wasting time and money, and not really learning anything of value, just to be in school? Do I just give up on school and try to find some sort of job that will sustain me? Do I just keep working my 3 shitty jobs and hope that somehow I'll be able to make ends meet? I have no clue. No direction.

I feel like a reject and a failure. I don't know what to say to family either. I keep saying I'm taking this semester off to work, but really, I've taken the last year off to work. And its gotten me nowhere. And when I say I'm not in school I get that sad, pity look. That look that says "I don't know what to say because all my conversation points revolved around you being in school". Then they talk about some other family member and what they're in school for and I feel even worse.

I'm not sure what else to say. Goodnight.

Adventure!

So today I went on an adventure with TC. We went down to Schaumburg to go to IKEA, which is really just short for Heaven On Earth. We got lost a ton of times, which was actually kind of fun, now that I'm not in a Jetta being piloted by a crazy person going 100 mph ;). I got a new lamp for like $5 and a shelf for a total of $13 (brackets and board sold seperately). I wish I had more money to just spend on everything I could ever dream of. I keep telling TC that one of these days I'm going to buy a house and furnish it with 100% IKEA. They had this pretend house set up and it was so nice. I want it all. Oh and when we were leaving they had a whole bin of catalogues, so I took 4. Haha. I figure I'll decorate with them or something.

Anyways, we had another adventure coming home, and we ended up getting lost like 6 more times (Illinois is all messed up. Dislike). Since we were running behind schedule TC had to call into work, and he found out that the hostess quit. So, I told him to call back and ask if they were hiring another hostess, and that I was still interested (I applied a while back). Then I get this cryptic text later on that read "Be here at 9 if you want the job". So...I got the job!

Nobody can call me a slacker now, I hold 3 jobs AND I volunteer. If I were smart I would start taking online classes or something, but I remember how well that went.

I'm actually kind of wondering how I'm going to balance work and school in the spring, once I go back. I think I'm going to end up reducing my AE availability and doing class in the morning or something. Or vice versa and Subway during the daytime and then class at like 6. I really need to get on the ball with applying to Madison. I'm probably going to send in all of my formal requests on Friday when I get paid again.

Oh and to answer a frequently asked question: Yes, The Boy and I are still together. We just live in different houses and don't see each other very often. Which, while I'm not thrilled about, I'm not super depressed over either. I get the whole bed to myself. And its actually refereshing not to see each other all the time. It's like we're dating again and not married. Which I'm realizing more and more that I'm not really ready to think about after all (long story).

I don't have anything else to update on really. I'm trying to get all my finances in order, but that's not going so well. I'll get everything straightened out soon. I just wish all of my bills didn't come at the same time. I'll have to call somone about that. I hear that most places are willing to adjust billing cycles if it means that I can pay on time. Whew.

Okay, I should stop blathering on now. I really should consider sleep, I have to work at 10:30 tomorrow. Night :)

Makeover

Today's problem only indirectly involves me. I'm having a lot of trouble with my mom. Let me sort of explain.

My mom is 42 years old. Most people mistake her for my grandmother, on account of her completely gray hair (which I am not looking forward to, considering I'm pretty gray myself). She used to dye it, but I think she just didn't feel like keeping up with it anymore. So, now her hair is mostly gray, with some really light dye residue left over on the bottom. I don't think she's washed her face in at least 10 years. She doesn't know how to dress her body to flatter. She ends up wearing something skin-tight, and looking like she's pregnant (as in, people actually ask her how far along she is. To which she replies "I'm just fat, actually", which makes me really sad). She's always had a problem with her teeth. As in, she doesn't brush, and she doesn't go to dentists because she's afraid. Recently, she bit into a taco and lost one of her front teeth. Now she has one tooth in front. The rest are rotting away. She does not make any effort to keep up her appearance in the way of hair removal (I know this is mostly cultural but still).

As a result, my actual grandmother told her that she looks like an old bag lady. My mom was telling me this in the car, and told me how she cried for hours. I had to look out the window and not say anything because I completely agree with grandma (though she didn't need to insult mom like that...).

I'm embarassed to be anywhere in public with her. I hate when people see her and realize that she's my mom. The Boy told me that if I let myself go like she has, he can't see himself being even remotely attracted to me. (I told him not to worry, I'm far too self-absorbed).

I owe her $300 for repairs to my car. I asked her what she would do with the money. She said she'd buy my stepdad some really expensive stereo equipment. (Which I find sad, he doesn't deserve anything but a swift kick in the ass and a job). I offered to maybe take her shopping (read: overhaul her closet and eradicate the 80's and all the ill-fitting sweaters) and she flat o ut told me no, because she's an old bag lady now. I feel so sad for her, but this isn't the first time. Maybe two years ago I told her that she needed to consider the things she wears in relation to the shape of her body. She tries to wear the same things I do, but I'm hourglass shaped, she's pear shaped, and the things that look good on me don't really look good on her. She's also been told by her employer that she needs to take better care of her hygiene, and she was sent home on occasion because people complained she had a musty smell (which wasn't her, it was her laundry). I think the problem has worsened because she only works out of the home twice a week now, and she can just laze around in sweats all day.

I guess I'm just at wits end. I really want her to be as beautiful as I know she can be. I want her to take pride in herself. I don't understand how she just doesn't care. I've offered to take her shopping for new clothes (things that fit!). I've offered to go to the salon with her and get some color and a new cut for her hair (it sort of just hangs limply and oil-ridden). I've offered to show her how to do makeup (stuck in the 80's and she ends up looking like a hooker when she does wear makup). She just flat refuses. I'm not sure what to do. But its getting to the point where she gets stares from people in public. She's only 42 but if you saw her you wouldn't belive it. What can I do? It's driving me crazy.

Parents

Okay. Now that I've finally set up the wireless internet at my parent's, I can finally blog. ON THE MACBOOK THAT I FIXED ALL BY MYSELF! I'm really proud that I managed to take apart this thing and put it back together. I did end up with about 6 extra screws. I have no idea how that happened. BUT. The screen works with no pixel blood and for the most part I have a fully functioning laptop.

People keep asking me how I'm liking living at my parent's house again. Here's the answer. I fucking hate it and I really don't want to talk about it outside of saying "well, I'm hardly ever home so it's not that bad". It is bad. Its fucking awful. I don't like, respect, or get along with these people at all. My mother is obnoxious. My brother is exceedingly stupid (and glued to either the PC or the xbox). My stepdad does nothing but chainsmoke, smoke weed, and play video games. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have my car. Probably kill myself. Or attempt to live at The Boy's friend's house as well. So please, if you read my blog, take that as all the information you're going to get. I don't want to talk about it, because talking about it means I have to admit that I actually cohabitate with these people. I'd just prefer not to go there. Thank you.

As far as anything else in my life, I pretty much do nothing but work these days. I'm looking for a new job(s). I love love love volunteering at the Humane Society. More on that in a future blog. Right now, I have to come up with something to do that will get me out of the house now that my family is home. Bye.

Changes

My life is all about change lately. On Wednesday I'll be changing my address, I'm changing my career goal, and I'm changing my mind about a lot of things.

I work double shifts almost every day this week, except by some miracle I have all of Wednesday off, so I'll be spending that day packing most of my things, and then moving them to my mom's in the evening. I'm not really looking forward to it at all, but we have to be out of here by Saturday, and I want to have time to do a thorough cleaning of the place before we hand back our keys.

September 1st MATC-Madison begins accepting program applications for fall of 2010. I need to get my transcripts in order and speak to a councilor soon, so that I can be on top of this. The more and more I debate in my head, the more it looks like I won't be moving to the eastside with my friend. If I can manage to live with my parents until May, I'll have my debts paid off and I'll have enough money saved up for a move to Madtown. That way, I can survive if I don't find a job right away.

I'm also rethinking my choice of companions. I've recently met a lot of really awesome people that I can relate well to and that have common interests. I'm realizing that being friends with someone for a long time does not mean that you'll be friends with them in the future. In fact, maybe it would be best for all parties involved to just let the natural ebb of life take over, and allow a drifting-apart.

I feel like I'm standing in front of an open door, and for once I'm excited to cross the threshold. I'm feeling a lot of familiar anxiety, and I promise, this time I'm seeking some sort of help BEFORE I have a meltdown. I know the signs, and I know when I need to talk to someone who can be objective and not my mother. Ha.

Since it's 12:15a now, and I have to be up by 9:30 I'd better go and try to get some sleep.

Tidbit

Okay, you've read the little notes to customers I've written in my past, as a barista. I dealt with some pretty annoying people. However, they were just angry-annoying and not funny-annoying. So here's a couple tidbits of my new customer base, the hilarious.

Me: Anything else on your sandwhich?
Guy: Do you have any seasoning salts?
Me: Well, we have salt and pepper.
Guy: Ok, what other flavors?
Me: Salt...and pepper...and oregano?
Guy: Yeah I'll have that.
Me: Okay, but that's not really a salt.
Guy: What kind of oils do you have?
Me: ...olive.
Guy: Any other kind?
Me: Um, this is Subway, we don't really have specialty oils and salts.
Guy: disappointed Oh...that's it then I guess...

And another

Me: What would you like on the meatball sub?
Girl: Lettuce
Me: putting on the lettuce
Girl: NO NO THATS THE WRONG SUB I THOUGHT MEATBALL ONLY CAME WITH CHEESE!!!!! Oh, well, you can just pick all the lettuce off.
Me: Well, that's not the easiest thing in the world to do... as I'm picking little pieces of shredded lettuce out of marinara sauce
Girl: Well, I don't like the kid that much anyways.

Some of my personal favorites are when customers come in and start ordering a sub, look around alarmed, and ask if we're closed. I usually respond "No...we let you in didn't we?". I usually want to just say "Yes" and continue making the sandwhich.

One time I had a guy sing the 5 dollar footlong song to me every time I tried to ask him what he wanted. I could have killed him but it was pretty funny after the fact.

Oooh, here's another one. There's this guy that comes in, gets a sub, pays 34 cents cash, $5 on his card, and gets a nickle in change. No idea why he does this. Anyways, I'd never rung him up before so I was a little hesitant, but I figured it out. I swipe his card, and it declines. He starts shouting. "ITS IMPOSSIBLE FOR IT TO DECLINE, THIS IS A DEBIT, ITS NOT EVEN CREDIT, AND I HAVE OVERDRAFT PROTECTION". I told him he needed to call his bank and make sure, because it has nothing to do with me. He proceeded to call us idiots and stormed out after throwing the sandwhich back at us. I'm hoping for two possible outcomes: 1) he comes back and is very anal again and I ask if he ever resolved that problem with his card and 2) he never comes back after calling his bank and finding out his card was frozen or something. It sort of made my day though.

Sometimes, I love my job.

Insights

Preface: I don't have an operational computer yet, I've just hijacked The Boy's for now so I can post.

Okay.

I was just on Facebook (which is usually how these things happen) when I realized quite suddenly that for as many "friends" I claim to have, I really don't have many friends at all. Hardly any. And the closest friend I have lives halfway around the world and I haven't spoken to her in weeks.

It's really depressing.

But then I'm noticing that I'm really socially awkward. I say a lot of really...weird things. I do weird things. I'm weird. I also have strange, self-imposed social rules. I always assume (I know) that unless someone calls or texts me, they really don't have much interest in talking to me.

There are a few people that I don't always have this issue with. Bestie being one of them, TC probably another, and I never have any problem imposing on E, but she's family so I guess that doesn't really count.

As a result, I'm starting to become a really solitary person. As a kooky aside, I had my natal chart drawn up (astrology, as in "what's your sign?") and the astrologer noted that about 7 years ago I probably started exhibiting more Cancer-like characteristics (inverted, solitary) over my sign, Gemini (Extroverted, extremely social). Thinking back, I started having all these social hang-ups around that time, though I'm more likely to attribute this to being a teenager.

I'm starting to feel very isolated and inadequate because of this lately. I feel like I'm spending far too much time by myself reading or just people-watching. I don't even socialize with The Boy anymore really. Every once in a while I'll do something fun with someone, but not very often.

Maybe this is all hitting me because I really miss my best friend. Or because I'm working all the time (good thing though). Most likely because I looked at the page of a friend (well, aquaintence) that I had in high school and I remembered how much I wish I had her life. Yeah, that's probably it.

Okay, I sort of forgot where I was going with this becuase its late, I just got home from the gym, and I was staring out the window at the moon for a good 5 minutes there. I guess I'll just leave it at that? Night.

Thanks. Have a great day.

Just a quick phone blog to let everyone know that I'm without a computer indefinitely, so there won't be any blogs for a while. The cat destroyed my Mac.

Suck

Today sucks.

I slept in and didn't get to the restaurant to apply for a hosting position. I checked my email and got rejected from MORE applications. My cat hates me all of a sudden. I have to move back home and live with my crazy family in a former pantry. My mom admitted she doesn't really want me back home because she knows I don't get along with anybody in the house. I'm probably going to have to give up my cat. My screen is bleeding even more pixels, and guess what, I can't afford the repair. I can't even afford to pay for the 3 parking tickets and a new parking permit. I can't afford rent, either. Or food.

When I move to my mom's house, all I'll be able to take with me will be enough clothes to fit in a very small sterilite cart. Everything else has to be put into storage. Everything. All of my books, papers, my furniture, 90% of my clothes. I might not even be able to keep my bed. I have no idea where I'm going to store anything. There's a chance my aunt has all of her things at my grandma's and that grandma will say no. So then I'm fucked. I don't know what to do anymore. I've dug myself a deep hole and I don't know how to get out, I can't even breathe anymore for lack of oxygen in this grave.

The Boy says that we both have it bad, that he has to live with a friend and pay a small ammount of rent. He never lived with my parents. He doesn't understand that for my own sanity I cannot go back there. He doesn't get that I don't have a happy family relationship with them at all. We only get along because I don't live there. He's going to get a room the size of my old bedroom. Not huge but not tiny either. My room is the same size as a full size mattress and a sterilite cart. Literally. Nothing else would fit. I'm talking wall to wall. Not to mention it doesn't have an air vent, collects dust like a swiffer, and has the very drafty entrance to the attic. Jail cells are larger and more comfortable. Not to mention I'll be the tenant, not the daughter, and I have a strong feeling I'll get a curfew as well. So as not to wake anyone. This is possibly the worst situation I could face.

Fuck it.

I just want to go back to bed.

Actually, since I don't work until 5 today, I think I will.

Life

Okay, I haven't blogged in forever because my internet usually dies after like 5 mins of use. So I'm going to try to bust this out before the 'net dies again for who knows how long.

As things stand right now I'm planning on moving back home for a while, provided that The Boy can take the cat with him to his friend's house. This is just because we can't afford our current apartment, and I have a ton of debt that I need to resolve before I can think about spending more money on sec. deposit and rent. So I'm going to be moving back home to get on top of debt and things and to save money for moving out again.

My mom said that she's going to charge me rent but my dad isn't too enthusiastic about it. So if I'm lucky I'll be able to stay rent free for a while to pay off stuff. I just have to find a place to store my apartment full of furniture. Probably my grandmother's basement.

I'm going to spend some time with my cousin today, because she's moving back to G-Town soon and there won't be much opportunity to spend time together. Everything that we do is on the eastside where she currently lives, so it's not a problem for me to drive there and hang out, then come back to Stallis. But I can't drive to G-Town, pick her up, drive to downtown MKE, hang out, drive back to G-Town, then back to Stallis. WAY too much gas, even for The Geo. (Yes, it is THE Geo.)

So that's pretty much my life right now. I'm going to apply for a hostessing position at Carrabba's in Brookfield, so maybe that will help my situation out a little more.

Okay, I have to go before the internet dies again. Love!

Ani

I'm listening to Ani Difranco, whom I haven't listened to in a long time. I miss the music. I actually got called Ani today, which made my day.

Today was also my orientation at the Humane Society, I'm really excited to start volunteering. Since I want to work with the wildlife program, my training won't be until August 16. Since that's a month away and I want to start now, I'm going to help out in the laundry room for the time being until I can start in the wildlife dept.

Not much else is going on at all. Life is boring. At least I have Rorschach to keep me company :)

Sloppy

Tonight I ran into a friend of mine that I haven't really talked to since junior year of high school. We went to Starbucks and ended up just chatting for a couple of hours. It was really nice because I had always liked her but we lost touch. But while we were catching up, I realized something.

Everyone my age is either A) Pregnant, B) Getting married, C) Has kids, or D) Some combination of the above.

Which makes me really really glad that I'm not A,B,C or D. I mean, the most tolerable of those would be getting engaged or something, but let me tell you, it would be a long engagement. And as far as procreation...hell no.

This is going to sound bad but thank goodness I know better.

Recharge

I've had the best couple of days in a long time. I feel like my batteries are recharged. On Tuesday, my cousin, E, asked me to go thrift shopping with her. Since the new resale shop was practically right next to Alterra (same strip mall-y thing) we had some delicious coffee as well. We hung around and decided to get me an actual ring for my nose. So we headed over to Brady and Farwell, the closest place to her house that would put the new ring in for me. I'm sad to report that they decided that getting lunch was more important than paying customers (since E decided to get her nose done as well). Then, I took E to work and hung out with Bestie. We watched Twilight. It was so amazingly awful that it was actually good. Just for the laughs.

Yesterday, I decided that since it was so ungodly hot E and I needed to go sun ourselves on the beach. I had a doctor's appointment and so did Rorschach, so we didn't get down to E's house til around 5. We went to Alterra on the Lake, sipped some delicious espresso/mocha shakes, and relaxed before heading off to the beach.

We ended up getting to a good spot (the deserted part of Bradford) at the perfect time. Still warm, but the sun was starting to go down. So we sunned ourselves for a good hour or so, just chatting away and making plans to do fun things.

Once it started to get chilly and a few kids started harassing us, we decided we were hungry. Where would I go for dinner on the most perfect day of my life? Noodles & Company, that's where. If there was one restaraunt that I would eat at, 3 meals a day, 7 days a week, it would be Noodles. Everything is so amazingly delicious.

Then we headed back to E's house, wandered around Wal-Mart for a while, and I came home and cuddled up with a good book and a cuddly cat.

It was honestly the most perfect two days in such a long time. I'm so grateful that I have the freedom to do those kinds of things. And, tomorrow I'm going to Summerfest with The Boy in the morning, then meeting up with Bestie and Squirrel Boy to see Carolina Liar. I'm really really excited.

Peace out everyone!

Boring

Wow. My life has been pretty boring lately. Aside from my freakouts about the finances, that is. But I'm fairly high-strung so it comes with the territory.

I actually have nothing to write about that's new. Nothing. Which could be good. I wish I was writing that I got a new job but...all in time.

I'm also half asleep, which could contribute. I went on an eastside adventure today, and got lost 3 times, which can really wear a person out.

So yeah, boring blog post today. Maybe it'll get more exciting soon. Or not. I can live with both.

Rain

I did something to my hip at work a few days ago, and its been bugging me since. This rain and humidity is not helping. I had a ton to do on my list but I can't get motivated. I think maybe I'll nip down to Starbucks and get a free tall beverage with my survey coupon.

But then while I'm out I'll be obligated to do that half of my list. The errands. Which I'm not looking forward to because its so crappy outside. Maybe I'll try to make my own frappuccino? I don't want any hot coffee. I think if I drank hot coffee I'd die of heat stroke.

It's just so gloomy and I don't want to do anything. I have company coming over and I'm not really that excited because my house looks like a tornado went through it, and it's company coming over to get money that I really don't have but owe. (Rant for another time). I absolutely love the feeling of having my bills paid and food in the cabinets. Lately though its been one or the other. My urge to shop isn't helping me at all. I've cut back. I haven't purchased anything that isn't food for a while now. But my checks at work just aren't cutting it and The Boy isn't making anything right now either.

Ugh life. But what can you do? At least I have a roof over my head (for now) food in my stomach (for now) and clothes on my back.

Moolah

Hey everyone, just a quick post to let you know I've started actually posting over at Kittymoose's Money. I know, it's been just sitting there for a while. But I promise, I'm going to post a whole bunch. (Unless nobody reads it, hint).

Anyways, check it out and add it to your reader so once it really takes off, you're not left outside the loop.

Thanks!

Yoga

Today I decided, wow, my chin is growing a twin. My belly is becoming "shapes" and my favorite jeans are creating a slight muffin top. Time to slim down. Being the hippie that I am, I decided what better way to get into shape than Yoga? Being also very lazy, I figured Yoga would be an easy way to get limber and maybe shed a few pounds.

Holy crap was I wrong.

I went along with a video recommended for first-timers on a forum I read. Sun Salutations. Sounds easy. I watched the video a few times, hoping to lose weight through osmosis. No dice. I decide that this didn't look too hard, and I busted out the Yoga mat that I'd purchased months ago and has just sat behind my laundry hamper since.

I ready myself. I breathe.

First pose: Mountain. Standing, feet together and parallel, shoulders straight, tummy tucked inwards. Easy. Inhale, arms come up, exhale, into a prayer position. Okay. Inhale and bend backwards. Holy crap I can't bend backwards. Exhale and bend forwards, palms touching the mat. Holy crap I can't touch my toes.

Second pose: Plank. I can't really describe the steps here, except to say that I find it very difficult to be in half-pushup position with one knee bent. I must have looked like a contortionist. Plank itself is really just pushup position. Which I cannot hold myself in for very long. I have no upper body strength to speak of. So while the nice lady is explaining how the body should be, I'm sweating and my palms are sliding off the mat.

Next pose, Cobra. Here you're on your belly, pelvis pressed into the mat, legs straight, and upper body raised. Shoulders back and head looking up at the sky (er, ceiling). This was actually easy. Probably because I was on my stomach.

Then we moved into Downward-facing Dog. The most quintessential Yoga pose. Feet flat on the ground, tailbone sticking up into the air, and palms flat on the ground as well, head down. I realize that maybe I should do this on carpet next time, because palm/foot sweat does not mix well with foam mat. I start sliding off of the mat.

We somehow magically come back up into Mountain pose. I have no idea how this happens so I just stand up. Then we do the same routine again, starting with the left foot instead of the right this time. I attempt round 2. I realize that maybe Yoga is going to be a ton more difficult that I thought. I YouTube "First time Yoga". I begin step 1: Attempt to exercise through osmosis. I have a feeling this will end up disasterous. I am at least grateful that I decided to attempt this at home, rather than subject myself to humiliating myself in an actual Yoga class.

Maybe I'll try Tai Chi?

Desk

I'm actually blogging from my desk right now. Which, if you've ever seen me in my apartment, is an accomplishment. Usually, I use my Macbook on the couch or in my bed. My desk usually looks like an airplane crashed into it. Seriously, papers EVERYWHERE. Craft supplies, etc.

But all that changed.

I got rid of like 90% of what was on my desk. And this time I actually GOT RID OF the stuff. Seriously I don't even know why I was hanging on to half the stuff. And the other half was just...useless. So now my desk is neat and organized, and my Mac actually fits on it, and I could be writing in a notebook as well.

Oh, also, I got a blender for my birthday. A red one. I love it more than any of my other kitchen appliances. I also got a wok, so I can make real Chinese food. I can't wait!

Book

Right now I'm watching Sex and the City: The Movie. I know, I know, but I love it.

Anyways, every time I watch this movie, or any episode in the series, my desire to write is rekindled.

I've always dreamed of something I have to say being good enough to be printed. I want so badly to see my name on the cover of a book.

Problem is, I don't ever think anything I've ever written is that good.

I guess I'll just have to keep writing until I spew something book-worthy.

On another note, which really should be in a separate blog, I'm SO READY to declutter the crap out of my apartment. And then buy more stuff...no no no Kittymoose NO. No more stuff!

...okay, maybe a couple things...

Nap

So, I ended up falling asleep shortly after writing that last post. I couldn't help it. The bed was so warm and the cat was purring on me and it was just a little slice of nap heaven.

So now I have like a gigantic to-do list for tomorrow. Except tomorrow The Boy and I are celebrating my birthday (he has to work on my actual birthday). So we're going rummaging, maybe thrifting, and probably out to dinner/lunch. I also want to see UP. But lately I haven't had the attention span to sit through a whole movie. And on the other side of that coin, its a kids movie, so it HAS to be entertaining right? I've heard all good things.

Anyways, I know this is just sort of a long ramble. Sorry. I'm awake and super tired still, but I can't sleep quite yet. So I'm really just blogging to pass the time. And I think the cat is getting tired of me talking to him. He just keeps giving me this funny look. It's actually quite precious.

And, now I'm officially a crazy cat lady. Congrats to me. Ha.

What else is new? Oh, I put in an application to PetSmart, and I'm going to call them Monday and ask about it. Because I really want to work there. I need to find job #3 pretty badly. I might see if anybody is willing to work Friday nights at Subway and apply to host at TannerPaul with TC. That would be fun and I'd make more money than working at Subway that night.

Oh, I also got this odor absorber thing for pets today. It smells like citrus and I'm excited that I can no longer smell the litterbox (which I need to clean out tomorrow. No icky stuff in it, it just needs a freshening).

Ok, I'll stop rambling on about nothing now.

Lists

I had a nice sized to-do list to start after I got off of my shift at AE today. The most important task was laundry, which is my least favorite chore. I leave it build up until I have nothing in my drawers and my closet is mostly empty. Which is the case right now.

But I'm so tired.

And my feet hurt from working in flip-flops.

And its rainy and cold out which makes me not want to do anything.

So instead of starting my laundry almost an hour ago, I'm sitting here under a blanket, cuddling the cat and updating the blog.

I'm so lazy, sometimes it worries me. I figure I should do something about it....but then the cat wants attention, and the bed is soooo comfy.

I disgust myself. Haha.

Workables

As promised, a blog post NOT entirely about my cat.

I'm still looking for job #3. It would be ideal to find something full time and stable, but the way the economy is and my lack of a skill set, it probably won't go down that way. So I'm looking for another job in, sigh, retail. I really want to work at a pet store though. I applied at PetSmart, but the internet cut out at the last second, and I lost 50 mins of work. And for some reason their internet application only supports up to Windows XP and IE. So everyone with a Mac or a new PC is essentially excluded. Thank goodness my mom's computer runs XP and she uses IE.

I haven't been getting many hours at either job, and for two weeks at both jobs I made less than $300, cumulatively. That's not enough for me to live on. That isn't even enough to pay the rent and bills and manage to feed myself. I feel like such a mooch, but my mom has paid for my groceries for the last month and a half. I have a feeling things will look up once The Boy starts getting paychecks again. He lost his unemployment, so for a while there it was 100% my income, which wasn't really anything.

I would really like to start paying down debt and start saving up for possibly going to vet school. Right now though, my biggest financial goal is trying to figure out how to pay rent and bills for this (and last) month.

So to say the least, I really need another job. I'm going to redo that application, because I know they're hiring at PetSmart, and as much as I hate to admit it, I'm good at retail and I've got a ton of experiance. Sigh.

Complications

Ok, before anybody mentions it, I know this blog has been pretty cat devoted lately. But, that's just what's been a major focus for me lately, and this is my blog and I get to write about whatever I want. Kidding, but seriously, I'm freaking out here.

This morning I woke up to The Boy telling me that Rorschach missed the litterbox and peed on the floor. I got up to clean it up. He's never done that, but he did just have surgery and he was wearing a cone collar, so I didn't worry right away. But then I went back to bed and noticed that there were little spots of blood all over the comforter (he slept with me most of the night). I got up and there were also some blood spots in the livingroom. I checked and he's bleeding from the incision. He's also noticably more lethargic than usual, and his third eyelid was showing (which is a dead giveaway that something's wrong).

So, I checked the post-op care sheet and it said to call my regular vet if discharge from the wound happened. I don't have a regular vet. So I call the one closest to me, which does come highly reccommended, and explained to them my situation. They instructed me to take him to MADACC since they're the ones that did the operation. MADACC instructs me to bring him in and now I'm just waiting for the vet to call me, which won't happen until around 11 or so.

I'm really worried now because he's alone and in pain and probably scared. I'm really regretting the decision to have him fixed. Especially if this is a big problem. My mom thinks that it's just his surgical glue didn't hold or something easily fixed like that. I really hope so. Because I'm so freaking emotionally attatched to this cat. I love him.

So, now I'm going to guiltily try to get some sleep while I wait on the phone call from the vet. I'll update this post to let everyone know how it goes. And I promise, my next post will have nothing to do with Rorschach.

Vet

Today Rorschach is going to the vet to get fixed. Right now he's in his carrier, spitting and hissing and meowing and clawing. I feel really bad because I know he's hungry (No food after 9 pm last night) and I know he doesn't do well in confinement. But I had to put him in there while The Boy was still here, because there's no way I could have wrestled a hissing and fighting 12 pound cat into a pet taxi alone.

So I feel really really bad that he's in there. And I feel really bad that he's hungry. And I know he's not going to be excited about the surgery.

Not only that, but I was reading the waiver form and there's a crap ton of things that can go wrong. And because it's a low cost service to the public, they don't do things like a blood test beforehand, or continued heart monitoring during the procedure.

I'm probably worrying over nothing. It's a really routine procedure, and I'm sure MADACC does hundreds.

The Boy just came back and looked at the carrier and said "Do you HAVE to get him snipped?"

Now I feel even worse because in truth, no, I don't want to have him fixed. His personality will change, and I love him the way he is.

But he might start spraying or urinating to mark territory, and he'll be super interested in getting out again. Plus, and this is a bad reason, but it's already paid for.

Sigh, he's meowing and looks so sad.

Sleepy

For some reason sleep has been eluding me lately. I just can't seem to get any rest. I think I might have fallen asleep at work tonight if I hadn't been closing with the assistant manager.

I guess I just have a ton on my mind that I'm not ready to let out. That's probably it.

I'm taking Rorshach in to get fixed on Monday. I hope he gets through the surgery okay. Even though its a routine procedure, there are still risks and I'm already very emotionally attached to this damn cat. I say that with nothing but love, I assure you.

I got paid like $40 more than I was expecting from AE though, which really brightened my day. That means the internet bill will get paid, I got an air freshener for the bathroom (stinky cat), AND I'll be able to pay off the vet costs. I still need an extra job though. Not so easy to come by.

Ugh, so many things that I need money for, so little time, not enough jobs. I need to hurry up and marry rich or have a dead rich uncle or SOMETHING. Ha.

Tuesday

Happy rainy Tuesday.

I'm still not feeling 100%. I slept for about 8 hours last night, woke up for roughly 2, and then took a 5 hour nap. And I'm getting sleepy again. I think I might go see the doctor if this persists. Then again, I worked last night and I managed to not fall asleep on the prep table so maybe I'm just so sleepy because of the weather.

I'm trying to get everything cleaned up around here. It was spotless a week ago and today...not so much. Most of it is my mess, so I can't really holler at The Boy. I wish I could, that's always so much easier ;).

Tomorrow I'm probably going to be spending a good chunk of time looking for another job. For some reason, I was promised 30+ hours a week at Subway, and apparently that means less than 20. Which cannot happen. I need more than that. Ideally I'll find a day job so I can keep Subway, and ideally it'll be weekdays so I can keep AE. I have way too much free time on my hands that I would honestly rather spend working. I'm not sure what's going to happen with the Humane Society, but that's volunteer work so I'm not counting it as a job, just time filler. The Boy got a new job though, and this week he has work at his other job. So he's going to do both if he can, just for this week. It's nice that he's going to stay on the payroll at his old job, because that means he keeps his health insurance. And whenever they have work, he gets to work.

We also decided that we're going to start putting money away to be able to move. I'd like to find a place that for sure accepts cats. Here, if the landlord finds out we've got Rorschach, we could be forced to either move or get rid of him. Seeing as how the landlords are very apathetic, I don't see how they'll find out. If they have to come over for any repairs or anything (like GETTING MY WINDOWS FIXED), I'll just see if anyone is willing to cat sit. That way, he's out of sight, and nobody will accidentally let him out. Win-win.

I'm going to get back to my crafting/writing/cleaning/being bothered by Rorschach. Later.

Memorial

Happy Memorial Day 2009!

Not much new is going on in my area of the world. I'm really enjoying having Rorschach back home, and I'm crafting away on a swap project. My grandma gave me a pattern for an apron and I was really excited to get some sewing advice from her. I always enjoy when we make things together.

I volunteered to work at the Humane Society. They haven't contacted me, but I was told that that happens around the first of the month. I'm really excited to do something to give back. And I figure working at the humane society might be a good barometer as to whether or not I actually want to work with animals for a living.

Also, as a side note, is it sad that I'd rather volunteer to work with animals at the Humane Society or at an animal hospital than with people? Maybe its just because I don't particularly like people. Maybe its because I know people have their own voices (most of the time) and animals don't. I'll be like the Lorax. Only instead of speaking for trees it will be animals. I don't even prefer certain kinds of animals. I like them all. I don't have a fear of any of them, and as far as I know I don't have any allergies either. Just love.

On that note, I don't know what I'm going to be doing with school in the fall. I am hoping that I'll be able to take some classes here that could translate into a veterinary program in Madison, and I figure if it's things like Biology and Chemistry, they could be useful in transferring to a 4 year program for just about anything.

That's it for now, enjoy the last bit of the long weekend!

Feline

Just wanted to post a quick blog to let everyone know Rorschach is back home. A neighbor found him the other day and he escaped, and she found him again. I happen to be at Best Friend's house, so I just drove over and began the delightful task of transporting the cat a block with no kennel. We tried to get him into the carrier but it was no dice. He scratched my noes and bit my shoulder, but he's finally laying in the kitchen. Don't worry, I locked all the windows for tonight.

He also seems to have lost a ton of weight. He ate all the food in his bowl, and I'm not going to feed him more for fear of him getting sick. He'll get more in the morning. His ears seem to be bothering him, so I'm going to keep up with his ear drops and hopefully that helps. Also, guess who's getting fixed? And microchipped. Sheesh. I think I should just name him TROUBLE.

Shirts

I had this conversation with J-Money, but I thought everyone might enjoy it. (Shirt = boy)

So you know how you have a favorite shirt that you just love? Well, there comes a day when you want to go new shirt shopping anyways. Because while you love your favorite shirt, it's getting kind of faded and has some holes in it and sometimes it smells funny. So you go to the store looking for a new shirt to try on. Keep in mind that you have no plans to get rid of the shirt you're already wearing. Because you don't get rid of a favorite shirt. You just hang it in the closet and keep it happy and clean for a while, while you parade around in your new, snazzy shirt.

So anyways, you're at the shirt store and as much as you want to find new shirts, you just don't seem to find one you like. Until someone walks in WEARING THE SHIRT YOU'VE BEEN DREAMING OF. Obviously this is a one-of-a-kind shirt, so you can't just walk into AE and pick up an identical one. No, this one is special. And it has everything you're looking for in a shirt, not to mention it looks amazing. And you're pretty sure it would look amazing on yourself, better than it looks on this other person.

But it turns out that you're starting to be friends with this person. This person is nice and sweet and is so OBVIOUSLY in love with her shirt that you know you can't just rip it off her back. And it isn't the borrowing type of shirt either. So you simply have to admire the fact that this shirt really does look good on this person, as much as you think it would look better on yourself.

So you're stuck keeping your favorite shirt on, because really you aren't the kind of person to own two shirts anyways. And you just keep holding out for that other person to decide that maybe her shirt doesn't fit as well as she thought it did.

And always remember, if a shirt seems the wrong size, and a little stretched, no matter how good it might look, or how much it offers to be your sugar daddy, put it back on the clearance rack and WALK AWAY.

Lost

Well, the kitty is still roaming free. I feel like this is giving me a one-track mind. I feel like an obsessed person, because all I can really focus on is my silly escaping cat. The Boy doesn't seem to agree with me wanting him back, because he thinks I see Batman as a posession. This is partially true, but not in the way he sees. The Boy thinks that because Batman is not declawed and not neutered, and since he "obviously" doesn't want to be here, he should just be left to roam. I do not agree. I did manage to coerce him into helping me put up even more flyers.

I know I'm getting obsessed with this. It's just a huge source of stress for me. It's been 15 days now and I am worried sick. I can't help it, asking me not to worry is like asking the sky to stop being blue. I just can't.

Laundry

I hate that when I'm sick, I need to take long naps. And as a result I can't sleep. Which means I don't get a good night's sleep because I have stuff going on in the morning. Which means I need a nap in the afternoon....etc. It makes me want to commit. (Inside joke)

Anyways, nothing really of note has happened around here. Still no cat, and yeah, I know, I'm obsessing over it. I just want the damn cat back so I can go back to having a normal, non-cat-obsessed life. And I feel bad because what if he's one of those cats that you just never find? I take a cat in for 6 hours and it goes missing for life. Yeah, I'm that lady. Ughhh.

At least I'm going to finally bury the gray gerbil tomorrow. I'm going to my grandmother's to use her laundry line to air try my comforter and sheets, and she reminded me that I might as well add to the cemetery in her back garden. No lie, every hamster and gerbil I've ever had, with the exception of Dracula (The hamster that fell down the air vent) is buried in her backyard. I'm pretty sure if my mom had let me, my dead goldfish would have been buried in that yard as well.

I'm pretty glad that my grandma is so relaxed about stuff like that. She doesn't really even bat an eye when I call her asking if I can bury another dead rodent in her garden. And she's really nice about letting me use her clothesline to dry my stuff, even though she won't be home. I won't be staying though, because I have to meet a friend. I'm just glad it's supposed to be a beautiful, hot, windy day. Perfect for drying things on the line.

Things like that make me wish I had my own backyard with a line. I would dry ALL of my clothes on the line outside. I love the way everything smells when its dried outside. For now, I'm wanting a folding drying rack for the indoors from Ikea. I really really need to get on that this summer. Which might actually work out if The Boy lets me borrow his Jeep. Which is a slim chance, a very slim chance. We'll see.

I never did get around to going to a temp agency. I just didn't have the energy today. I felt like I was going to die at the mall (I had to get long shorts for work from Khol's). That's how you know I'm sick, I'm doing one of my favorite activities and I want to go home. I ended up coming straight home and taking a two hour long nap.

And now I'm in the livingroom blogging in the dark because The Boy is asleep and I can't sleep. I'm probably going to take some Tylenol PM to combat some of these aches and get to bed.

Also, I think I'm going to start a seperate blog. I don't really know how to link it to my main blog, but I suppose that wouldn't be hard to figure out. I want to start a personal finance blog. I know that I don't have a regular salary or anything like that, but I have a good estimate of how much I might be making, and I really should be able to make a budget for myself. And if nothing else, I can at least hold myself accountable for spending money needlessly. (Or on a cat that I don't even have...grumblegrumblegrumble). I might actually put this together now. I probably won't register a seperate domain name, just a name.blogger.com name. Update on that to come.

Night!

Sick

I had a huge to-do list for today, but almost none of it is getting done. I feel like death. And I still have to bust out about 2 more pages of my research project paper. So far, I've done nothing. Well, I went to animal control to try to find Batman, I went to the grocery store to buy soymilk and throat drops (and ended up buying Indian food and flowers). I really wanted to head over to Starbucks to enjoy some coffee while I work on my paper, but that probably won't happen. I can't taste anything anyways.

I'm really looking forward to getting paid tomorrow. I was going to go to a temp agency to look for job #3 today but I feel like it would be a waste. I'm sick, and I don't have the energy to be pleasant and to make a good impression. Maybe I'll be feeling better tomorrow. Wednesday I really should be feeling better because I'm doing lunch + art museum with a friend of mine.

The Boy is out looking for a job right now, which is good, hopefully he'll find something. I think with this being his last week of school, he's getting mighty sick of having nothing to do. He can't just sit at home and relax. He needs to be doing something productive, or it really effects his mood. And mine, but that's another story.

Also, for those of you who know (which I assume is most of you), I lost my cat. Which is why I went to animal control. He's been gone for 12 days now and I'm really worried. Which is another reason why not much has gotten done, most of my time has been devoted to locating a cat. Not an easy task at all.

I got sidetracked so I can't remember what else I was going to write.

Cat

Ok, so I didn't blog about this in the "maybe" stage, but today I got a cat!!

His name is (now) Rorschach (it used to be Batman). He's a year old, and he's white with black markings all over, and his face looks like an inkblot. I have to credit T-Mobile guy for the name though. He's the most chill cat I've ever met. He loves to cuddle as well.

I'm really excited.

I'm just not excited that he has ear mites. I have to give him drops twice a day, which freaks me out just a tiny bit, maybe because of my own issues with ear drops. If I can't do it, I'll ask The Boy to. I'm sure he will.

I'm just super excited because I've wanted a cat my whole life but my mom is allergic AND hates cats, and my brother is REALLY allergic. My stepdad always wanted a cat though.

Oh, and I told the gerbils to stop looking delicious immediately. :)

Gerbils

Ok, I lied, this post has nothing to do with gerbils. I just couldn't think of a subject line.

I ran into a girl I was best friends with in high school today. It was nice seeing her, and I found out that she's going to be a mom, she's due in September. I told her that we should get lunch together or something, so we can catch up. It's been a really long time since we've talked (almost 2 years). As long as there's no drama, I'm open to rekindling a friendship.

I've also been on this HUGE 50's kick lately. I'm talking GIGANTIC. I'm really lusting over vintage dresses lately. I think I'm going to ask my grandmother if she can help me find/draft a pattern for a dress of my own. I figure, she was there, she should know.

Speaking of grandma, last time I was at her house we dug through all her old photos and things that were just kept in the family, going back to the 30's. It was really neat to see people that are (presumably) relatives, going that far back. I also got to see my grandma's first wedding album (she was married and widowed twice). She was BEAUTIFUL. Not that she isn't now, but you know what I mean. She really was stunning, and had a really nice figure. Now that I think of it, we have the same figure (I'm a little less slender at the moment) which is interesting. Everyone was telling me that I look exactly like her. And its true, we do look A LOT a like, something that I didn't notice until I saw pictures of her my age. The Boy was pleasantly surprised, as he tells me the women in my family are not particularly attractive (I'm inclined to agree, I got lucky).

I'm also getting back into using my sewing machine. I forgot how much I actually like sewing my own things. So hopefully I'm going to start on the bedskirt project that's been sitting in the closet for a year. And maybe that dress, as soon as I buy lining fabric (or raid my grandma's scrap bin).

Mostly I really just want to spend more time with my grandma. I feel like there's a lot that I could still learn from her.

Stagnant

I'm supposed to be starting on my project paper for my Native American History/Culture class. Does blogging while watching a PBS special on the Trial of Tears count? No? Didn't think so. At least it's educational?

I'm having a really hard time getting motivated to do anything lately. I blame the weather. And my bad haircut. I can't wait til it starts really growing in. My hair looks ridiculous in my visor at work. And it really needs to be dyed. I might do that before work tomorrow, but knowing me, I won't.

(Also, holy shit, this is really depressing subject matter. How is it that people can be so cruel to other people, just because they don't look the same? We're all people.)

I also blame this cold/allergy attack thing that I have going on. It's really bad. But at least I found out that if I take Benadryl, it won't put me to sleep immediately.

I managed to slam my hand into my car door this afternoon. Unpleasant.

It was nice to get to pick my brother up from school and take him to a movie though. Even though the movie put me in a really weird mood (The Knowing).

Nothing else has been new lately. Spring showers keep me inside where it's dry as much as possible. And when I'm inside and dry as much as possible, I've found that I eat a ton of bread/pasta/starch. Which means that I'm basically shooting myself in the foot on this whole get fit front. Oh bother.

Another unfortunate turn of events: I picked out a new desk. One that works perfectly for the room, and would actually look nice, with drawers to hide things. At IKEA. Honestly, I should invest in that company. Because by the time I've had my say, I'll have purchased half the products.

Hmmm...not much else to blog about. I suppose I should quit procrastinating and start doing some research? Pish-tosh. Pajama time!

Employed

Well, I got the job at Subway!

I didn't go through with the job at the cafe at Children's for two reasons:

1- Third shift work is really going to be a problem once I'm full time at MATC again in the summer and fall and 2- The lady at Subway told me that they'd be willing to be really flexible with my school/life schedule. That's important to me because school really needs to be a priority.

Also it doesn't hurt that I already know someone working there. It should be a ton of fun. And really, it's sandwiches, how hard could it be?

Not much else is going on right now, other than my bad haircut, but I'm sure it'll grow out and that will be that. I hope.

Subs

I got an interview at Subway on Wednesday. I'm really excited. Not to sound conceited, but I've got this. I've put in plenty of applications and then not gotten an interview, but I've never had an interview and not gotten the job. I'm very charismatic. And I know how to read people.

I don't understand how people can screw up interviews. Like, why would you show up to ANY interview in jeans and a ripped shirt? Or a miniskirt? Or anything equally inappropriate. Even though I'm only interviewing for retail positions, I dress office casual. I even dress up when putting in applications. Nobody wants to hire a slob. AFTER you've got the job you can stroll around in jeans (if dress code allows them).

I'm really hoping I get this, and I'm also still going to apply at that cafe at Children's. It would be nice to have all my debt paid off soon. Well, not all, because the student loans will take a while, but I don't owe on them for quite a long time. But I do have a massive problem with credit card debt. No more plastic for me, ever.

Update: I did get a check at AE. Hello 30 bucks!

Barista

I know it's been forever since my last post, but I honestly just haven't had the time. Well, that's a lie, because I have nothing but time on my hands, but I've been otherwise occupied.

I found out I only have 7 hours this week at AE. The only reason I had so many hours last week was A: I took 2 shifts for people and B: Floor set. So I probably won't be getting 20 hours consistently. TC told me Subway is hiring, so I went to visit and put in an application. They told me to call on Wednesday to follow up, so I'm sitting on my hands a little bit for that.

I did a quick search on Craigslist for barista positions, and I found a really good one working at the cafe at Children's Hospital. Granted, hospitals REALLY FREAK ME OUT, but I find cafes to be super relaxing. So who knows, maybe I'll just be at a normal-anxiety level. (Which for me is like...well imagine if you were constantly worried about at least 6 different things and all of those things were CRITICAL. Yeah.) The only thing is that it's 3rd shift. Which really does not bother me, as long as I can get into a good rythm with it. It would really only suck on Tuesday mornings, but I only have 4 more classes to go.

I also found a few other cafes looking for baristas, so I'm going to be driving all over town tomorrow applying for jobs.

It would also be really nice if I got paid anytime soon at AE. I think I have to wait a week yet, or two, which really sucks because I'm still overdraft, and owe a credit card payment to Citi, while my other card (I know, I know) is almost maxed (but to be fair it has a super low limit). I'm just not looking forward to having to ask my mom to buy me groceries (again). But as far as I know, she has a lot of money left on her child support debit card, which really, should go to helping me. I am, after all, in need of support.

Not much else is new. It's a really rainy drab day so I don't want to do anything, but I have to go back to the mall for a meeting now. Ugh.

Lottery

I really want to win the lottery right now. That would be really awesome.

I would also really appreciate it if life would quit kicking me in the shins already. I mean, they're already bruised, haven't you done enough? Apparently the answer is no.

At least I'm getting my last check from Starbucks tonight. I'm only expecting around a hundred, but that will help with the $300 overdraft I've got right now. Oh, and somehow I've got to magically pay my credit card bill and the phone bill. I love finances. I also love that I was never really taught how to manage money. Ahh life. Love it.

And I love that my anxiety with talking on the phone is getting so bad, that while I have $160 in uncashed paychecks waiting for me at MATC, I have to call to claim them and that terrifies me. I don't even know why I'm so afraid of calling people. I don't even like calling my mom or The Boy. I don't order pizza via telephone. I only use the phone when I absolutely HAVE TO. And usually it's an unpleasant experiance involving a call center worker in India claiming his name is Paul and rambling in an accent so unintelligible that I have no idea what's going on or what I'm agreeing to.

I suppose what will end up happening, is that I'll go downtown and try to talk to the lady myself. Oh, except next week is spring break. Which means that nobody will be around. FANTASTIC.

Did I ever mention that I love everything? No? I LOVE EVERYTHING!!!!!

Parte Deux

Ok, that last blog was really just my need to word-vomit my thoughts into something so I could sort them out. I wrote that, listened to sad music, cuddled a stuffed lamb, and cried. Then I took a nap and I felt much better. Sometimes blogging is just the catalyst for that process.

So anyways, on to the updating.

I got that job at AE, and my first day was last Sunday. It seems like a pretty laid back place to work, which is nice. I really really miss Starbucks, mostly for the people and the actual work. But it was probably just a matter of time, given my negative views on what the company was doing and the direction that it's headed in. And it feels good to know that I'll be getting at least a little income.

The Boy found out that he's not elligible for unemployment anymore because of his school schedule, so things are really really tight around here.

A friend of mine's mother works at the Outpost on State and I asked him to put in a word for me, because that's another place I'd love to work at.

Nothing new is really happening around here other than that. Oh, except I got my license. So I can stratch one new year's resolution off of my list (Job + Car by June 8). Now I just need to lose 20 lbs and get organized and get a real job (lofty goals, I know, especially the organized part. Ugh).

Well, now I have to go finish my laundry (double ugh).

Oh, PS, I really am super excited for you, Best Friend. I just had a selfish moment yesterday.

Parte Une

DISCLAIMER: This is going to be a blog in two parts. Don't read this one if you just want a general update on life. Read this one if you want to listen to me bitch about my girl-feelings. END DISCLAIMER.

Okay, here goes. I don't know what it's been lately but I've found that a lot of things seem to really be getting to me. Not having a job (well, sort of job), only being in one class this semester, not having any money to do anything ever, facing debt and losing my apartment...I just don't know how long its going to be before I break down.

Maybe my depression is just catching up to me. It's been a while since I've actively been in treatment. But at least I'm admitting that I have depression to people. I do this thing where I refuse do admit things about myself because then I'm just another statistic and then people feel bad for me. But that's another rant. I'm trying to come out of that, because keeping everything secret is not going to help me.

I've just been feeling really worthless lately. I just got this job at AE, which is nice because its income, but it isn't much, and it's not many hours, and The Boy can't get unemployment and I feel like unless I get another job (or two) REALLY SOON bad things are going to happen.

I have this feeling like I won't go back to school anymore. I can't work two or three jobs and be a full time student, and even then, I can't afford tuition. I feel like a huge failure, and it's starting to affect the way I see other people's accomplishments. I SHOULD feel super excited that my best friend gets to go to South Africa to study and that she goes to a great private school so she gets those kinds of opportunities. (I know my viewpoint is totally skewed on this, don't judge me, I'm just emotional). I know that talking to her right now is only going to bring her down so I'm doing a really bad thing and half-ignoring her. I just don't want to think about how she gets all these fantastic opportunities and I'm stuck folding shirts and desperately seeking two extra jobs to throw onto the load just to have a place to live and a means to feed myself (ok, ok, things aren't THAT bad yet, but they'll get that way if I don't find jobs soon). I feel like I've been totally screwed out of life and I just want to give up. I'm so tremendously unhappy with the choices I've made for myself recently, and I can't really blame anybody else for that so I'm just avoiding everyone.

I just feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. But I feel like if I reach out for help I'm going to snap, which is why I'm relying entirely on The Boy for support (he's trying really hard to understand, but he doesn't believe that depression is a real disease, he sees it as a state of mind). I know that in blogging about all of these problems I'll attract someone that wants to help, and it's not that I don't want to lean on someone, its that I need to learn how to rely on myself. Also, I know that blogging about this and then asking people to ignore it is sort of hypocritical, but I type faster than I write, and this is really the only diary I keep.

I'm going to stop now. I'll post Parte Deux tomorrow or later in the evening. I need a break.

Quote

I'm trying to get quotes for auto insurance from Progressive. I've gotten a quote before but I can't remember my user ID so I'm just starting over. What really irritates me is that the box for my last name doesn't hold more than 12 characters. My last name is 15.

Why don't websites (because this isn't the only one) allow people with long names to fill out forms? I mean, I can't be the only person around with a 14 letter long last name (15, with the hyphen). And if I just put my first last name, well it works but it isn't entirely legal. I have a cousin with the same first, middle, and first last name as myself, and trust me, we get confused. I've never actually met her, but we've gotten dental records confused, I've gotten her insurance bills. It's really annoying. So I would really prefer to have my REAL LAST NAME on my forms. Omitting the hyphen just confuses people.

Which brings me to my next rant. It worries me how illiterate people are. I mean, my first last name is made up, so I suppose that gives a small excuse as to why people can't pronounce it. but my second last name is an actual word. In fact, its a word in this paragraph. But people CANNOT SEEM TO PRONOUNCE IT CORRECTLY. I just want to reach across the counter when people mispronounce it. Also, it is not ok just to call me by my second last name because that's easier. That's being lazy.

ARG. I can't wait until I either A) Finally change my last name or B) Get married. I'm so sick of stupid people. I just want a short, simple last name, even if it is Fails. Really.

Employment

Well my interview at AE went really well. She said she'd get back to me as soon as she checked my references and figured out where I'm needed. I'm not super excited, because its retail, and it won't give me many hours at all (less than 20) and only pays around $7 an hour. So as it stands, I'm looking for a second job as well. Probably Subway or Half Price. I went and picked up an application for Half Price, but I didn't get a chance to get to Subway (The Boy was driving, and his custard was going to melt). Hopefully I'll pass my third freaking driver's test today and I'll be able to get there myself. Ugh.

I really want a real job.

Monetary

I know these are showing up in the wrong order, but so far I've blogged today about the things I want to accomplish, and the things I want to buy to accomplish them. To do all of that, I need money, and, more importantly, a job.

I have an interview at American Eagle on Friday morning. I'm also going to go into Subway probably tomorrow afternoon and apply. I might be able to swing by Half Price Books and The Cheesecake Factory and apply to those places as well. My goal right now is to maybe land two jobs, which would be much easier if I pass my road test on Friday. (I'd better!)

I need to be raking in a good amount of money, because not only do I have bills, I have debts. My credit card is maxed out, I want to start paying off my student loans, and I owe my mom $300 for the repairs to my car. I'm really hoping to land the job at AE, not because I want to work in retail again, but because it's in the mall, and if I don't pass my test I know I have transportation.

I'm keeping my eyes open and fingers crossed.

Things

I know, lots of blogs today, but I'm trying to keep them going by subject, instead of huge mash-up. So this is my list of things I'd like to buy in order to make life easier and less cluttered. I know, it's very consumerist of me, but I think these are good investments.

• New living room set from IKEA. Simple, modern, and cheap. Plus my couch (and recliner) is probably at least 23 years old. It's not even comfortable to sit on anymore. Time to upgrade. Cost: $300
• Bed frame. All we have right now is a metal frame with the box spring exposed. It functions, but it's ugly, and my parents never had a bed frame and I'd like to have one. Naturally, this will come from IKEA. Cost: $100
• Kitchen table and chairs. Again, from IKEA. My table is fine (albiet scuffed) and I think it was quite a deal for $7 from Goodwill. However, half the chairs are broken (free from a neighbor). So instead of being able to seat 3 we can now only seat 2. Cost: $130
• Laundry drying rack. This will actually save us money (and energy!) in the long run. I found the most cost-effective and best deal at...you guessed it, IKEA. It looks like it can hold two loads of laundry, which would save us $2.50 every time we did laundry. Cost: $40
• A fire-safe safe. This would be nice for storing documents, and would eliminate the need to have two big file boxes just sitting in the open. (The Boy and I would share). Unfortunately the best deal I could find was at Wal-Mart. Cost: $50
• Total Cost: $620

I'm sure I'd end up spending more, because I'll find some other useful things while shopping for those things. Also, I didn't factor in the cost for the aformentioned rubber bins, because I don't know how many I'll need.

I need to win the lottery.

Organized

Since it's officially springtime, and since it's finally getting warm out, I'm feeling the sudden urge to organize EVERYTHING.

It really drives me nuts that nothing around here is in neat little bins, etc. Which means I'm going to end up cleaning out my closet. Which means I'll end up donating a ton of stuff to Goodwill. Which means I'll feel as though I've wasted a ton of money.

I have this problem with multi-seasonal clothes. Like long-sleeved cotton tops that are too warm for wear in the daytime in summer, but nice for the evenings or more formal occasions. And now, when the weather hasn't decided what it wants to be, I have ALL my clothes out. When I lived with my parents, we used to take all the winter clothes and put them into storage at the end of winter, and vice versa with summer clothes. But since The Boy and I haven't gotten to tackling the basement, I don't have any extra storage down there. I'm thinking of getting a smaller set of drawers similiar to the one in my closet (plastic, sterilite drawers) for the shelves on top of my closet, and storing suff there. I really want a bigger closet! Ha.

As far as the basement goes, right now it's just a chaos of boxes and odds and ends and large garbage bags of aluminum cans (The Boy takes them in for recyling, but he's waiting until the price of aluminum rises). We both decided that a good system would be getting large rubbermaid tubs and organizing all of the things in boxes into the tubs. I like that idea because I'm deathly afraid of bugs, and in my opinion bugs are much less likely to get into an airtight plastic container than a cardboard box. (Side note: is it weird for me to put empty cardboard boxes in rubber containters? I save boxes for everything, like my Mac, and I don't want them ruined.)

Aside from my closet and my basement, I want to really give a go at organizing my desk, getting it packed up, and dismantled so that I can move my recliner from my grandmother's house to the apartment. that will provide seating, appease The Boy's lust for a recliner, and hold me over until I can afford a trip to IKEA.

The trouble with all of these organizational goals is thus: it's rainy. I never, ever want to do anything but sit around and read when it's rainy outside. And I have my last night of work tonight so that cuts my time down. Oh, and I'd have to get to Wal-Mart (I know, I know, evil) to get some storage solutions (on second though, for the large bins, Home Depot. sells those). And I don't have a new job lined up yet so my account is effectively 'frozen' to pay the bills until I know I'm at least going to be earning some income.

Everything's a mess and it's driving me nuts.

Search

Well, I'm pretty sure this will be my last week at Starbucks. My last official day is next Monday. I don't know if I'm actually going to be scheduled though.

My job search has not been fruitful thus far. I've been sending out resumes and applications like a crazy person. I'm just a little scared, because I've heard from employers that I applied to 3 or 4 months prior. I can't go that long without a job. And right now I'm a little hampered because I don't have my license yet (test this Friday!).

On a more positive note, I had a really amazing weekend. The Boy and I spent pretty much all of it together. Saturday we got breakfast and then picked some stuff up that we needed. I had to work, but afterwards we had dinner together and watched Futurama movies on the couch. Sunday, we went thrifting at a few different Goodwill locations. Then we got custard, came home, and watched TV. I know things have been really rough between us lately, but I've noticed that things only get this way when money is really tight. Which is a bit reassuring because I know that that's the most common trigger of fights among couples. And for us it's a huge stress because we live paycheck-to-paycheck, and now there are no paychecks. Ugh. I really need to find another job. I'm trying to find something in the "real job" category. However, Alterra is also hiring, and I would love to work there. And at this point, I'd take a job in retail or food. I really don't want to work in retail ever again. Food sort of frightens me, but if I'm serving I could make a lot in tips. Also, I need to call my credit card company and tell them that I've lost my job.

Life.

Kicked

I guess life just can't help itself.

Thank god I don't work today.

Shame

Ok, I think I've avoided blogging about this for long enough.

I put in my two weeks notice at work. Not because I wanted to. Because I was given the option of either quit or get fired.

Over Facebook.

I made a group that ambiguously makes fun of a couple customers. And because Starbucks is corporate and controlling, I got put on final written notice for it (even though it was only my second write up ever). Then after some yelling and much crying on my end, I was handed the choice to either quit, get a good reference, and know it's coming, or be on eggshells and be surprised. I chose to quit.

I don't have anything lined up yet. I saw that Alterra is hiring, and to be honest, I think I'd fit in much better.

I'm just feeling a lot of shame because of all this. I don't like having to admit that I essentially got fired. Over something stupid on Facebook.

And on top of that The Boy is being...well he's being a complete and total a-hole but that really isn't too far out of the norm. I'm kind of done with that. I'd like to be able to just up and go, but I'm stuck here, at least until I can find a job/place to live. So right now I'm fantasizing about how I'm going to get a nice paying job, find an apartment on the Eastside, and fill it with IKEA furniture. And no, The Boy isn't a frequent visitor in this fantasy. I don't know what to think about that anymore though. And I'm not going to go into it in this blog post, because I know nobody really wants to hear (read) about it.

C'mon life. It would be really, really great if you would quit shitting on me just long enough for me to at least get up off the ground. But I guess it's no fun kicking a girl when she's standing.

Headache

I don't feel well at all today. I have this really bad migrane that just won't go away. And since I drank some coffee, I'm also jittery. The muscles in my forearms are shakey also. So while I really want to clean this place up, I also want to drop into bed.

I also managed to fail my second road test today. Only this time, I knew I failed. First off, I went up on a curb backing up. Then, I got into nearly two accidents. I don't know what happened. But, at least the tester was a really nice guy about it. So I scheduled my next test at the same place. Third time's the charm right?

I'm trying to get everything on my desk packed up and put away for the time being, so that The Boy can dismantle it and put it into storage. He told me that it might be a better investment to just store it away until we have a bigger place for it. It makes sense, since it is a really nice desk. And I can't seem to sell it. Hopefully soon I can get down to Shaumberg and procure a new living room set. I'd love to get a chair so more people can sit down on a surface that isn't the floor.

Let's see, what else.

It's getting really hard to concentrate with this headache. And my arms feel really odd right now. I wish that would just go away. That would be nice.

I work all weekend, which stinks because my friend is coming back from Iowa tomorrow. I think I work all week as well. I really wish I could find another job. A steady job. A real job. But I don't have any marketable skills other than a great personality and an ability to type 100 WPM. Not too much call for that these days. I'm ready to be a grown up and work full time. Except working a full time job around my one class will probably be difficult. Unless I transfer to a different section. Which would stink because I like my section.

I think my eyeballs are going to explode now.

Uncomfortable

Lately I've been feeling really uncomfortable. Like that feeling you get when you're sitting in one position too long.

I know it's because I want to move. I think maybe because I moved around so much as a kid, I don't like staying in the same place too long. Maybe I just haven't found that perfect place yet.

So The Boy and I are keeping our eyes open for places that might offer slightly cheaper rent around here. Hopefully somewhere not in West Allis, but that's really just my requirement. It's too bad the North Side is so jacked up, because some of the houses there are BEAUTIFUL. All the old German and Polish demi-mansions, in neighborhoods where I'd get shot simply for being pale. It's a crying shame really. Why can't we all just get along? But that's another rant.

I'm also thinking of moving out and living with my cousin near UWM. We'd have to take on another roommate which would be fine. I'm just hesitant because of the implications it would have on my relationship with The Boy.

I'm also keeping the option of renting a studio open. It would be a lot smaller, but I think we could manage if we get that sofa bed I've been drooling over and got rid of a few key pieces of furniture (i.e. my gigantic desk). Honestly, I'm going to box up a lot of the stuff on it tonight, and I'll probably end up taking it apart, putting it on the curb, and posting a curb alert on Cragislist. I was hoping to get like $50 for it, but I don't want it in my house any more. I never even sit at it. I use my computer while sitting on the couch, and really all that I use the desk for is a bookshelf. So theoretically if I get a bookshelf I'm set. Thank god for Ikea. (My new addiction)

Though since The Boy is laid off again, who knows when I'll be able to afford my new ($300!!) livingroom set.

Oh, and my next road test is on Friday. My stepmom is taking me, and since she's from Waukesha, we're practicing around the DMV before hand. Then afterwards my father is going to buy us lunch. I just hope they don't disqualify my car for the dent in the hood and trunk. My mom said that I can't use any car that looks like its been in an accident. Somehow I don't think that's true but we'll see. I'll be pissed if it is. Because my car runs fine, the damage is really only cosmetic.