Insights

Preface: I don't have an operational computer yet, I've just hijacked The Boy's for now so I can post.

Okay.

I was just on Facebook (which is usually how these things happen) when I realized quite suddenly that for as many "friends" I claim to have, I really don't have many friends at all. Hardly any. And the closest friend I have lives halfway around the world and I haven't spoken to her in weeks.

It's really depressing.

But then I'm noticing that I'm really socially awkward. I say a lot of really...weird things. I do weird things. I'm weird. I also have strange, self-imposed social rules. I always assume (I know) that unless someone calls or texts me, they really don't have much interest in talking to me.

There are a few people that I don't always have this issue with. Bestie being one of them, TC probably another, and I never have any problem imposing on E, but she's family so I guess that doesn't really count.

As a result, I'm starting to become a really solitary person. As a kooky aside, I had my natal chart drawn up (astrology, as in "what's your sign?") and the astrologer noted that about 7 years ago I probably started exhibiting more Cancer-like characteristics (inverted, solitary) over my sign, Gemini (Extroverted, extremely social). Thinking back, I started having all these social hang-ups around that time, though I'm more likely to attribute this to being a teenager.

I'm starting to feel very isolated and inadequate because of this lately. I feel like I'm spending far too much time by myself reading or just people-watching. I don't even socialize with The Boy anymore really. Every once in a while I'll do something fun with someone, but not very often.

Maybe this is all hitting me because I really miss my best friend. Or because I'm working all the time (good thing though). Most likely because I looked at the page of a friend (well, aquaintence) that I had in high school and I remembered how much I wish I had her life. Yeah, that's probably it.

Okay, I sort of forgot where I was going with this becuase its late, I just got home from the gym, and I was staring out the window at the moon for a good 5 minutes there. I guess I'll just leave it at that? Night.