Yoga

Today I decided, wow, my chin is growing a twin. My belly is becoming "shapes" and my favorite jeans are creating a slight muffin top. Time to slim down. Being the hippie that I am, I decided what better way to get into shape than Yoga? Being also very lazy, I figured Yoga would be an easy way to get limber and maybe shed a few pounds.

Holy crap was I wrong.

I went along with a video recommended for first-timers on a forum I read. Sun Salutations. Sounds easy. I watched the video a few times, hoping to lose weight through osmosis. No dice. I decide that this didn't look too hard, and I busted out the Yoga mat that I'd purchased months ago and has just sat behind my laundry hamper since.

I ready myself. I breathe.

First pose: Mountain. Standing, feet together and parallel, shoulders straight, tummy tucked inwards. Easy. Inhale, arms come up, exhale, into a prayer position. Okay. Inhale and bend backwards. Holy crap I can't bend backwards. Exhale and bend forwards, palms touching the mat. Holy crap I can't touch my toes.

Second pose: Plank. I can't really describe the steps here, except to say that I find it very difficult to be in half-pushup position with one knee bent. I must have looked like a contortionist. Plank itself is really just pushup position. Which I cannot hold myself in for very long. I have no upper body strength to speak of. So while the nice lady is explaining how the body should be, I'm sweating and my palms are sliding off the mat.

Next pose, Cobra. Here you're on your belly, pelvis pressed into the mat, legs straight, and upper body raised. Shoulders back and head looking up at the sky (er, ceiling). This was actually easy. Probably because I was on my stomach.

Then we moved into Downward-facing Dog. The most quintessential Yoga pose. Feet flat on the ground, tailbone sticking up into the air, and palms flat on the ground as well, head down. I realize that maybe I should do this on carpet next time, because palm/foot sweat does not mix well with foam mat. I start sliding off of the mat.

We somehow magically come back up into Mountain pose. I have no idea how this happens so I just stand up. Then we do the same routine again, starting with the left foot instead of the right this time. I attempt round 2. I realize that maybe Yoga is going to be a ton more difficult that I thought. I YouTube "First time Yoga". I begin step 1: Attempt to exercise through osmosis. I have a feeling this will end up disasterous. I am at least grateful that I decided to attempt this at home, rather than subject myself to humiliating myself in an actual Yoga class.

Maybe I'll try Tai Chi?