Makeover

Today's problem only indirectly involves me. I'm having a lot of trouble with my mom. Let me sort of explain.

My mom is 42 years old. Most people mistake her for my grandmother, on account of her completely gray hair (which I am not looking forward to, considering I'm pretty gray myself). She used to dye it, but I think she just didn't feel like keeping up with it anymore. So, now her hair is mostly gray, with some really light dye residue left over on the bottom. I don't think she's washed her face in at least 10 years. She doesn't know how to dress her body to flatter. She ends up wearing something skin-tight, and looking like she's pregnant (as in, people actually ask her how far along she is. To which she replies "I'm just fat, actually", which makes me really sad). She's always had a problem with her teeth. As in, she doesn't brush, and she doesn't go to dentists because she's afraid. Recently, she bit into a taco and lost one of her front teeth. Now she has one tooth in front. The rest are rotting away. She does not make any effort to keep up her appearance in the way of hair removal (I know this is mostly cultural but still).

As a result, my actual grandmother told her that she looks like an old bag lady. My mom was telling me this in the car, and told me how she cried for hours. I had to look out the window and not say anything because I completely agree with grandma (though she didn't need to insult mom like that...).

I'm embarassed to be anywhere in public with her. I hate when people see her and realize that she's my mom. The Boy told me that if I let myself go like she has, he can't see himself being even remotely attracted to me. (I told him not to worry, I'm far too self-absorbed).

I owe her $300 for repairs to my car. I asked her what she would do with the money. She said she'd buy my stepdad some really expensive stereo equipment. (Which I find sad, he doesn't deserve anything but a swift kick in the ass and a job). I offered to maybe take her shopping (read: overhaul her closet and eradicate the 80's and all the ill-fitting sweaters) and she flat o ut told me no, because she's an old bag lady now. I feel so sad for her, but this isn't the first time. Maybe two years ago I told her that she needed to consider the things she wears in relation to the shape of her body. She tries to wear the same things I do, but I'm hourglass shaped, she's pear shaped, and the things that look good on me don't really look good on her. She's also been told by her employer that she needs to take better care of her hygiene, and she was sent home on occasion because people complained she had a musty smell (which wasn't her, it was her laundry). I think the problem has worsened because she only works out of the home twice a week now, and she can just laze around in sweats all day.

I guess I'm just at wits end. I really want her to be as beautiful as I know she can be. I want her to take pride in herself. I don't understand how she just doesn't care. I've offered to take her shopping for new clothes (things that fit!). I've offered to go to the salon with her and get some color and a new cut for her hair (it sort of just hangs limply and oil-ridden). I've offered to show her how to do makeup (stuck in the 80's and she ends up looking like a hooker when she does wear makup). She just flat refuses. I'm not sure what to do. But its getting to the point where she gets stares from people in public. She's only 42 but if you saw her you wouldn't belive it. What can I do? It's driving me crazy.