Yay insomnia

Well, It's roughly 11:15 pm and I need to be awake at 7 am tomorrow morning. Sleep? ha. ha. ha.

There's been lots of things going on in my life that are blogworthy, I just haven't...y'know...blogged them. Mostly because I'm lazy. Partly because I have to be in the blogging kind of mood. So let's begin.

Starbucks: Is amazing. I love my job, love the people. The only thing I really don't love is POS (Point of sale), or register, because it has thousands of little buttons that I can't seem to figure out. But I'm sure that with enough practice I'll master it. But I'm praying they don't decide to assign me a till tomorrow afternoon, when its super busy. Today I tried some of the black coffees that we have. I was surprised that I didn't hate it. They weren't actually that bad. (Oh, and if you have a favorite bean, and you really want it, I get a free pound per week. Since I don't drink much of anything that's not espresso, I'll give it to you. Just let me know.)

Other than that...in general life, things have been going ho-hum. I'm having a lot of issues with my body image right now, upon doing a little research and discovering I'm at least 20lbs overweight. i should weigh somewhere around 100-110. Last time I checked, I was 138. Yeah, its average for my AGE, but not for my HEIGHT. Remember guys, I'm the size of your average third grader. In addition, I needed new jeans. Let me tell you, it is hell for me to find jeans. First of all, I'm short, and they don't make jeans for short people (unless you're a size 2). And I'm super picky about my jeans.

(This is just an aside, something that gave me a lot of perspective. Recently I found my favorite pair of jeans from sophomore year. They were a size 3. I can't believe I thought I was fat back then. Because now, I would kill to get that body back. And I'm now a firm believer in Phy. Ed. In schools. As soon as I hit senior year, my activity level went down to 0. And I went from oh... a size 5 or 6 in junior year...to a size 10 or 12 now. But Old Navy sometimes cuts their jeans really large... so the ones I just bought were a size 6. A little tight, but hey, motivation, right?)

Anyways, my goal is to lose 20 lbs by New Years. I realize this may be impossible, but hey, why not shoot high? I'm watching what I eat and how much of it I consume, and I'm trying to motivate myself to exersise. I have a lot of respitory problems, so running is almost out of the question. And added to my knee problems...yeah. But I've resolved to start doing situps. I used to be able to do at least 100 without feeling a burn, during my size 3 days. I want to get back to that. And get rid of this ugly little bulge under my chin. That needs to go like, yesterday.

Wow. I realized I just spent an entire blog about my body image, and how I want to be tiny. I want to clarify something: I have terrible self esteem, and do not care about accepting myself for who I am. I feel like a skinny girl stuck inside a padded suit. This does not mean, however, that I disagree with the idea of self-acceptance. I just know that this is not the way I'm supposed to be shaped. Not only that, I'm not at a healthy weight, and I don't have a healthy activity level. The whole self esteem rant...that's way too personal to blog about, and I don't feel like crying tonight.

Well...maybe I'll go do 10 situps now...then catch some z's before bed. Hell, they might actually make me tired.

Peace.