Two

Sometimes I feel like I have two distinct personalities. I'm not saying that I'm crazy, just that sometimes I feel like I lead a double life.

There's the me that pierced her nose, wanted to dread her hair, and went vegetarian.

There's the me that bought suit coats, chopped off her hair, and eats everything that everybody else does.

There's the me that rarely ever wears black.

There's the me that wears all black 90% of the time.

I don't really know what's going on here. I've got this crazy, laid-back hippie side, and this ravenous un-funny corporate office girl side. In a perfect world, I'd be able to express both. But for now, I wear a retainer in my nostril, have short hair, and hardly any tie-dye anymore.

Italian

The Boy and I always dread craving Italian on a night out. It's difficult to find a place that we both like, that won't cost an arm and a leg. Tonight we had dinner at a little hole in the wall authentic Italian place. It was delicious, cheap, and the portions were huge. I don't mind huge portions so much because that way I have dinner for another night. The service was almost nonexistant, but I'd overlook that.

All in all, I'm so relieved to find a good, cheap, place that we both enjoyed. Trust me, it was a miracle.

Hair pt 2

Day 2 of my new haircut: I miss my hair.

I mean, I like my new hair. I like looking more professional. But do I look too old? I think so. It makes me look ten years older. Maybe I'm just freaking out. I'm probably just freaking out. I'm not so good at these sorts of changes. I'm also not going to keep it short, I'll grow it out again. It was easier to just keep long hair. That's the way it's always been.

Ahh, I know I'm just freaking out.

Hair

Okay, my haircut actually turned out amazing. It makes me look a lot older and more professional. Which, I think, is a good way to bring in my second decade. I know it's stupid but I feel so old. In a joking way. I'm done being a teenager soon, which is really weird for me. When I was like 10 I couldn't wait to be a teenager, and now I'm thinking "wow, thank god THAT'S over".

I also managed to snag two suit coats for $30 at Penny's. They were on clearance AND buy one get one free. So I've got some professional-looking clothes as well.

I've also more or less decided that after this semester I'm changing my program to Administrative Assistance. I figure, that's a career that's in demand, and will most likely be around forever. It comes with an internship, which will give me experience, and it's one of those careers that I can work around to go back to school. Somehow I don't think Anthropology will get me very far in the short-term. I've already started this semester, and I'm taking some classes I've wanted to take for a while, so I'll just be happy with that and maybe do summer school.

I'm also hopefully buying my car next week-ish. I got my W2 from ON already, hopefully my second one will come through any day now.

Sorry

Sorry about that last blog, I was feeling a little blah.

I'm shaking things up tonight though. I'm getting a haircut. A significant haircut. We're talking more than 6 inches. I'm afraid, because last time I got short hair was middle school, and it looked awful. Then again, this time I'm going for a different style. I'm sick of putting my hair up all the time. What's the point of having nice long hair if it's in a bun 90% of the time? And since it's so long and thick, I can't style it. And it takes forever to dry. So maybe this new cut will work.

I'll put pictures up on my facebook tonight after I get home. Keep your fingers crossed!

Disappointed

Lately I just have to shake my head at everything.

I'm disappointed.

I'm disappointed in my generation, my culture. I'm disappointed in my relationships, not just romantic but platonic as well. I'm disappointed in my job, and my inability to get a new job. I'm disappointed in my faith, and my lack of faith.

I guess I just saw real life.

As fantastic as some moments seem, happiness needs to be judged on the feelings one carries throughout the day. Unfortunately, I'm just disappointed in everything I see. I'm surprised, for some reason, that certain people can be so petty. I'm saddened because I know I can be just as petty. I don't know why I suddenly feel this way. I used to love my friends, my job, my schooling.

Now, I barely talk to anybody outside of an electronic medium. I hate my job (It's official). I don't even know why I'm bothering with college. And the sad thing is, I don't even want to do anything about it. All I'm inclined to do lately is apathetically shake my head and shrug my shoulders.

I think I need a change of pace. I need something different. I need a vacation, or a haircut, or something. Or, y'know, a new job. A better apartment (NOT in Stallis, god this place is awful).

I don't know where I was going with this. I have a headache and I want to go for a nice long walk but it's freezing out. Hell, I want to run. But, like I said, it's freezing.

FML.

Sugar pt 2

Ok, my last post may have depicted a bit of a glossed-over review of Sugar. It was fun, yeah. There was redbull, yeah. The DJ was actually decent, yeah. But.

I don't think I mentioned the atmosphere. I expected, and saw, a lot of sex. Not actual sex, but things that just scream "SEX!". I expected this because it's a nightclub. I'm sad that I saw it because it's an underage nightclub. And yes, underage includes ages 18-20, which is for all intents and purposes adult. What bothered me is that most of the girls in that place looked 16-17. No IDs were checked at the door (at least when I went in) so I think it's safe to presume some people that were 'too young' to be there got in.

Sugar features two cages. Girls get in the cages, and dance. Very sexy, right? You'd think so, until you realize that the girl in the cage is not only drunk (pre party anyone?) but you can see her underpants, because she's wearing a spandex mini dress. Leopard print, no less. And it's ridden up because she's grinding on her friend. Honestly, I was a little ashamed of my generation there. I know how to be sexy, and dancing in a cage with your hanes showing (they weren't sexy panties, they really were hanes. From the view I got, I have a pair just like them) is not sexy. That's skanky. Unless it's burlesque. But who does burlesque these days? Not 17 year old drunk girls, that's who.

The guys in the club were difficult to age. Guys of that age range can be difficult that way, since they're still sort of in between. Still, they did the typical guy thing and just stood around watching girls make complete sluts out of themselves. And before anyone thinks "But wait. You were there. And you were dancing. Surely, you must have been bumpin' and grindin' also!" I'll have to dissapoint you. I don't prefer to dance that way. I prefer to be more subtle. Because I have class.

I really wish more girls/women my age would realize that no guy wants a relationship with the girl that got drunk, danced in a cage, and flashed her panties. He doesn't want to date that girl. He just wants to have cheap sex with her. He probably won't even give her his real name. Because, sorry guys, that's how men are. Ladies, if you want a relationship, leave something to the imagination. Don't get piss-faced drunk at a club and expect to fall in love. It won't happen. Unless, of course, you're a Samantha at heart and all you're really after is sex. Then by all means, dance in the cage. You may want to wear nicer undies though. Try Cosabella. You may want to leave the alcohol out too. Either way. I mean, no guy wants to take a girl home only to have her throw up seven times in his toilet.

I'm far from a guru on relationships, my own being quite rocky, so I'll stop ranting there. My only grip is really that girls/women of my generation seem to think that the only way to catch a man's attention is by screaming sex into his face. Whatever happened to being intelligent, articulate, and witty? Whatever happened to being not sexy, but beautiful? Sorry, ranting again. It's getting late and I need to get to bed.

Sugar

So, at the risk of a sound ribbing from my readers, I'll go ahead and admit my whereabouts this evening. Club Sugar. In case you don't know, it's the only underage club in Milwaukee. I was expecting it to be pretty lame, because the age range allowed in the club is 17-20. And while yes, most of the patrons appeared to be in the 17-18 range, it was actually a lot of fun. The DJ was pretty good, and the atmosphere wasn't as lame as I predicted. The only thing that sucked was that smoking was allowed inside. I won't gripe too much about that, though. Also, it isn't terribly fun with only one other person. If you go, plan to go in a group or meet up with people.

Then we headed over to the 24 hour Starbucks. It was a pretty quiet night, which was nice. And I didn't even get an annoyed look when I ordered my complicated partner drink. In fact, I had picked up a shift for the guy ringing me up once, when he was in a jam. So it was nice getting to chat for a while. I really wish I could get a transfer to that store. Maybe someday. Who knows. Oh, and if you get a chance, try the new european butter croissant. It's delicious, even though it's huge.

My ears are now ringing, and my stomach is upset from all of the caffeine I've consumed (they serve redbull drinks at Sugar), but all in all it was a pretty good night. Now I just need to take a shower to wash the smoke smell out of my hair, and enjoy the rest of the evening. (Yes, I know I'm posting this at nearly 2:30 am. Trust me, this is just the beginning of my evening).

Tundra

This is it: I'm moving to Hawaii.

Well, not really, but I sure wouldn't mind it right now. According to my dashboard widget, it's -4 out right now. Probably more horrific when you factor in a wind chill of -30, predicted for today. And I'm about to go stand on a bus stop for goddess knows how long. Hopefully everything will be running on time because I'm going to be wearing: Two pairs of socks, two pairs of pants (work pants + jeans) four shirts, and a down jacket. Two pairs of gloves, my earmuffs, and a hat, and a scarf. Maybe two scarves. We'll see what I can fit under/over my jacket. Top it off with the feeling I have that I'm coming down with something, and we just have one big barrel of fun. And I've also got the feeling that the mall will be really busy, because schools are closed and you can't keep a 14 year old away from frappuccinos even in -30 degree weather. God help us all.

I tried using my espresso machine yesterday. Either its a crap machine or I'm just really bad at this barista thing. I'm leaning towards the machine. That, and the fact that I was tamping my grounds with a 1/4 cup measuring cup because I don't actually have a tamp or anything like that. I may add espresso machine to the list of things I'd like for my birthday. I figure I'm turning 20 so I'd better start growing up - no more asking for...well I never really asked for anything. I got a pretty sweet sewing machine the year I turned 18 though, and a printer for 19.

I've resolved to have my license and a car by the time I'm 20. Things are moving along nicely in that department. And since I'm not going to be a teenager anymore, I should also probably get rid of this silly giant desk. I figure a 20 year old would own sensible furniture from Ikea (and I'm addicted to Ikea, shh). I'm also trying to find a "real" job. Sadly, that job I was so hoping for downtown was taken. So I'm still searching. I want something stable. I need something like an actual sleep schedule, and actual mealtime schedules. It would also be nice to not have to worry about availability when signing up for school, but that's another rant.

Well, I have a lot more to say, but I have to go bundle up for the bus stop. Hope I don't lose any extremities. :)

Shelf

Ok, here's the deal. I'm looking for a cheap (or free) bookshelf. I have way too many books with no room to store them, and The Boy hates this gigantic desk. I don't have a desktop computer, and as long as I can store all of my books/files, I'm fine with getting a smaller desk. Especially now that I have a whole apartment to occupy with things like sewing (which is why I bought the ginormous desk to begin with).

Also, if I do find a bookshelf, does anybody want a ginormous desk? It's a corner desk with lots of shelves. Very sturdy, and heavy. It's too big for this apartment, and we don't have the room to store it.

Ordeal

I just had one of the longest nights of work ever. Not counting Black Friday.

I don't even know what happened. Nothing was done, but I was told stuff was done, and since I've never worked at that store...well, I didn't know what really needed to be done at night vs. morning tasks.

So we finally finished the dishes at 11. Then I mistakenly locked the key that locks the doors in the safe. So I had to wake the store manager up and she had to drive all the way from Waukesha to lock the doors behind us. I felt like a huge idiot, but at least she wasn't mean about it. She was pretty nice actually. I felt really badly for the other barista, since I couldn't let her go home and stay at the store by myself. The boy ended up having to go drive around, because we got out like an hour after expected.

So it's 12:30 and I'm just settling in to a quesadilla, because The Boy remembered to pick up flour tortillas :)

Tomorrow I'm going ice skating at Red Arrow, with the people from work, which I'm really looking forward to. What I'm not looking forward to is making all the gingerbread I promised everyone. I like making the cookies, but not guarding them from The Boy's ravenous appetite for ginger.

At least I can sleep in tomorrow.

Vroom

Well, I finally got my temps. About time, right? And I was so afraid of failing the test. It was really easy. I mean one of the questions was "You see a person crossing the street with a white cane, what do you do?" and one of the answers was seriously "Honk until they go away". I don't know how anyone can fail. I only got a few wrong, mostly about collisions and when to report them.

I'm also hopefully going to buy a 95 Geo Prizm from a friend. It's a shitty car but it runs and has great gas mileage, so it works.

I also applied for a new (real) job, downtown. I won't divulge any details, because it isn't a sure thing and I don't want to jynx it. But I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Life seems to be going my way, for now at least.

School

Well, I finally got my school stuff together. I went downtown to make sure I was still an active student (I probably could have done this around here, but The Boy was headed down there anyways). Turns out the reason I couldn't register before was that the classes I was trying to get into were full.

So I picked different ones. And since I'm a masochist, I'm taking another 9 am class. Hopefully this time I won't be inclined to sleep instead of learn, because this one seems to be more interesting. Native American History and Culture.

I'm also taking Intro to Philosophy (I know, I know) online, and American National Government and Politics Today online. Neither really have anything to do with my major, but the two classes I want to take that are relevant are currently full and I'm waitlisted. I'm thinking next semester I'll take more interesting courses, because by then I'll be (hopefully) driving and I'll be able to get to the South campus for Sociology of Religion. Also I'd really like to take Gender and Society in person rather than online, but right now I'll take what I can get.

I'm sort of nervous about the online classes, because I don't know if it will suit my style of learning. It'll have to do for right now though, because with work the way it is, I don't have any choice.

New

Well, it's officially 2009. Though ten bucks says I'll be writing 08 on checks and paperwork until February.

I'm just taking a few minutes to blog before The Boy gets home. I want to play Oblivion but the controller/screen is doing a weird thing and I don't want to break the xbox trying to fix it. With my luck, it would explode completely.

I got my new blackberry in the mail, and I love that the trackball is actually clean. I compared them and felt almost ashamed at how black mine got. Oh well, life goes on.

I'm not going to bother with resolutions this year. They never end up happening and then I just carry around the stress of having unfinished business. Plus, its too cold outside to accomplish much else besides eating and sleeping. Come see me in May. Maybe then I'll have a list of things to get done.

I also need to get to MATC at some point for re-enrollment stuff. I know they're closed today, and I don't know when my next day off is, but I'm running out of time. I don't want to go another semester out of school, and I missed the deadline to apply for health insurance through work. So, back to "college" I go. (Strangely enough, I'm missing Iowa lately.)

Hopefully I don't end up transferring to another store. Though, I'm starting to see the appeal. Except it's getting difficult enough to take one bus to one location, I'd be dreading the 2 or 3 bus routes to work. I swear, I'll have my license and a car before June.

I can't think of much else to say, because I'm falling asleep. I'm surprised I made it to midnight. I haven't the last two years. Well, Happy New Year everyone. Let's not screw 2009 up too badly :)