Guidelines

Just another friendly reminder from your neighborhood barista!

Keeping in mind that things will get hectic during the bustling holiday season, here are a few additional guidelines to keep handy:

1. Keep in mind that when you get into a line 20 people deep its going to take a while for you to get your drink(s). Also, keep in mind that 20 people does not equate 20 drinks. Some customers may order upwards of 7-10 beverages, plus pastries. Don't tell me I'd better stop taking orders until you get your drink. If I were to do that, I'd have a mob on my hands, and frankly, I'd direct them at you.

2. To keep lines moving, also keep in mind that you will have to pay for your drink. Refrain from ordering and then giving me a blank stare, before frantically searching in your gigantic purse for exact change. On a related note, do not hand (or throw at) me a wad of uncounted, greasy, damp bills. For starters, that's unsanitary and frankly disgusting, and second, it forces me to count out your money for you.

2b. I understand money is tight this season. Trust me, I'm feeling it too. But please for the love of the stars, do not just hand me a baggie of loose change to pay for your $8 order. Its one thing if you count it yourself and hand it to me in dollar increments. It's an entirely different matter if you simply plunk it down on the counter and tell me you don't really know how much is there. Congratulations, you've just pissed off a line of at least 20 people, and trust me, that mob is directed entirely at you.

3. This is an important one, I cannot stress this enough. Our tip jar, while debated on several occasions, is not a take-a-penny jar. It has bills in it. No, you cannot just "take some change". No, you cannot make change with it. That's not just my money in there, but the entire staff's money. As mentioned before, these are some tough times. That extra $20 a week pays for gas to get to work, and it isn't just me you're offending. There's about 20 of us so...yep. Another 20 person mob directed entirely at you. Please, keep your paws off.

4. As it is our busiest time of the year, we have quite a few drinks to make. The one I happen to be making at any given moment may or may not be yours. So please refrain from leaning into my space and shouting directions at me. First, I know what I'm doing, and second, you look stupid because I'm making a drink that doesn't remotely resemble what you ordered. No whip on that iced drink? Don't worry, I'm making someone else's hot chocolate right now. Chillax.

5. Unfortunately we cannot do anything about the endless long lines. They're actually very good for buisness, so we really don't want to stop people from lining up for some delicious coffee goodness. I apologize, but no, you cannot sneak around and order from behind us. And no, you cannot come to the side entrance and order from there. I don't care if you're Madonna, you have to stand in line just like everybody else.

5b. Reminder #5 also applies to those that just want a cup of water. You'll get it in due time, and since you haven't actually purchased anything, I'm not going to break into a sweat running to get you something to drink. The exception to this would be if you were feinting or possibly dying. Otherwise, sorry to break it to you, but you have to wait in line like everyone else. This also applies to picking up your water. It will get to you in the order you stood in line. Also, please do not complain about the size cup it comes in. It's a free cup of water. You get what I give you. If you really need 24 oz of water that badly, we sell bottles of it in the refrigerated case. It even supports charity.

6. Being a special time of year, we'll be stocking special merchandise for your shopping delights. We've taken great care to arrange them to be absolutely appealing in every way. I'm sorry that you disagree with our marketing techniques, but please do not rearrange everything as you see fit. The same still applies to the refrigerated case. Do not rearrange that either.

7. I understand that this is the time of year to spend with family and friends. Communication is key in arranging events and get-togethers and well, just plain catching up. But please, refrain from using your cell phone at the same time you're trying to order. If you get to the register, you're expected to place your order and move along to the pick-up line. If you hold your finger and indicate that I should wait, holding your place as head of the line, while you gab on about some personal buisness that frankly, I don't want to hear, I will skip you. You are clearly not ready to order your beverage, and I will move along to the next person that IS ready to order and move along to the next line. No hard feelings, it's just that there's a mob of 20 people behind you giving me death glares. I prefer to keep all my limbs intact, thank you.

Also, using your cell phone while ordering and carrying on that oh-so-important conversation about what the dog ate and pooped out, the risk of you ordering the wrong drink skyrockets to an unbelievable 99.9%. I have no idea what you meant by "that chocolate drink". Hot cocoa? Perhaps a mocha latte? Iced mocha? Mocha frappe? One of our delicious chocolatey holiday beverages? You didn't specify, so I'm going to have to take a stab in the dark. And, new rule, if you don't specify size, I'm going to automatically assume you want the large. You seem like you're on top of the world, you deserve a large. Yeah, its gonna cost you around five bucks. Oh well, you should have told me you wanted a small. I'll fix it, but now you're paying attention, which was really my only goal here.

8. In the interest of time and subdueing that mob behind you, please know what you would like, how many, what size, what flavor, and give me your pastry order. In your pastry order, please have an idea of what you would like, and how many of each item. It's a pain for both of us and the 20 people behind you, if you order 5 drinks and 5 pastries and I have to repeat "What flavor, what size, how many, what kind of pastry, how many" for EVERY ITEM. Please, just don't. I implore you.

These are just some rough guidlines to keep at the forefront of your mind this holiday season. If followed, I can guarantee you'll have the best holiday shopping coffee experiance all day.

Thank you.