Thursday, August 21, 2008

Run

I leave for Iowa at noon tomorrow. I've just gotten about halfway through my packing. My apartment is a disaster, but most of my things are either stashed in a suitcase or box.

It hasn't hit me until right now, this moment, that I'm leaving.

I'm not excited. I'm sad. I always told myself that I could be a nomad. That because we moved around so much when I was little, I could just pick up and move anywhere. Without a second glance.

I think that was the case until nearly two years ago. As cliche as it sounds, It feels like my heart, my soul, was ripped in two, separated. And it pains me to be away from the other half for too long. It pains me to be such a long distance away from it. From him. I know, I'm sounding like a sappy teenage girl about it, but I can't help myself right now.

I didn't prepare myself for this kind of reaction. When I seriously applied to Central, it was with the notion that going away to school would be the only way to save my sanity. It was the only way I could get away from the city, from this apartment, from the hurt I had to face day after day. By the time things changed, I'd forgotten about the college. I'd let myself be lulled into the idea of staying in my city, staying in my apartment, and staying in my happy place.

I can't argue that Central isn't a much better choice than say, UWM. I can't argue that I won't be getting a much better education there, a much better chance to start over and discover new things. But it won't be with that other half of my heart. And until I come home again, I know it is going to ache with each beat.

I am, however, glad that I'm leaving on such a good note. It would be even worse if things at home were still cracked. If I hadn't gotten the chance to say goodbye to all of my friends. If I hadn't had the chance to see something new rise up from the cracks in the sidewalk of life.

Still, I know I'm going to cry my eyes out tomorrow when I have to say that most painful goodbye. I know I'm coming back, but a month seems like forever, and what about after that? Who knows. (Also, the fact that I'm listening to Snow Patrol's Run isn't helping.)

1 comments:

Anonymous said...

Good luck Megan! and thank you for getting me and Carolyn to hook up. You will do wonderful wherever you go. You're bright, fun and deserve to be where you are more than anyone else!

Tim