Cliff Pt. 2

Shortly after posting that last blog about how Central is fucking me over ever chance it gets, I recieved an email informing me that my status has been dropped from sophomore to freshman. I sort of expected that, because 6 of my credits didn't transfer. Fine. But I was accepted as a sophomore, which means I got a sophomore level stafford loan. But, since I'm now a freshman, they took that loan away and sent me a bill for...

$10, 063.00

That's right. Ten freakin' grand. Who the FUCK has ten grand just lying around? Not me, that's who.

So I'm essentially waiting until Tuesday to find out if I can get another loan. If not, guess who's coming back to Wisconsin?

And while The Boy and Best Friend are probably pissed at me about this, I'm sort of holding out for being able to come home. Nothing is working out right here, and honestly, I could have this kind of being fucked around with at MATC for a fraction of the cost in tuition that I'm paying here. The only real draw is the classes. Where else can I learn Chinese? Then again, I'm sure UW-Madison has a pretty cool language program. Yeah, its big and the profs wouldn't know my name. But I've just had such a bad experiance here that I'm wondering if its even worth it.

I just want to come home, go back to work, and be happy. Honestly.

Cliff

I get the feeling the universe wants me to jump off a cliff and die. Seriously.

Nothing ever goes right for me on the first, second, and sometimes sixth tries. No matter what. No amount of preparedness helps.

I get to Central and I have nothing set up for me. A few things STILL arent't working right for me, and it bothers me because that means someone else was slacking. I finally get my credit card in the mail back home, and I have The Boy give me my number and info and such, and the card number does not exist in the bank's database. How the HELL does that even happen? I am pissed off beyond reason right now. I need to get some things done. I need to finish buying my textbooks, yes, on credit, because I'm so poor it makes me want to cry. I have no idea how I'm going to pay this months phone bill.

I'm also extremely sick and tired of my life revolving around "I don't know" and "Maybe". I want definite answers to questions. I want a timetable. I want a schedule. I WANT TO BE PREPARED. I hate going into things a step behind everyone. I just want to cry right now because it seems like according to the world, I might as well not exist.

Ni Hao

I would just like to take this opportunity to tell all of you that Chinese is the most intensely difficult language EVER. Not only do I have to learn words and syllables that don't sound like anything (no cognates), but I have to learn an entirely new system of writing. Chinese characters.

But aside from all that, I'm doing okay. Fairly homesick, but otherwise okay.

My bank account, on the other hand, is feeling a little ill. It seems to be allergic to purchasing textbooks. I was only able to get one of them used, but even so, I'll spend less than $200. I just wish I had a chance to buy them in advance...but no. Oh well. I'm in debt for the rest of my life anyways, just from this one semester.

Well, I better get to dinner.

Class

Today I was FINALLY registered for class. I'm going to learn Chinese, so that should be...amazingly difficult. I also have an 8 am 3D design class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Why I got put in that class is beyond me, I know absolutely nothing about 3D design nor any kind of design I suppose. I just sort of got stuck into whatever happened to be open.

So far, I've made friends with all the international students, which is really neat. I'm getting along with my roommate, which I anticipated, because neither of us seem to be difficult to live with. Also, the group of transfer students is pretty cool.

I was going to write this big long blog about how much I want to go home because being here is a huge hassle, but I'm starting to enjoy it. Except for my work study assignment. Ew, catering. I WANTED to work in the cafe, but Noooooo...

Oh, and the beds suck.

But on another note, I do have a choir audition in about a half hour, which I'm really excited for. I haven't been able to do choir for a while, and I've missed it. I'm considering a minor in music, and I'm taking World Music this semester, which corresponds to my Anthropology major and a music minor. Who knows.

My eating/sleeping schedule is all messed up too. The dining hall is only open certain times, so breakfast is 7-9 am, lunch is 11-1 and dinner is 5-7 (I think. I'm not sure about dinner.) Usually at home I get up at about 11, so that's breakfast for me. Then lunch is somewhere around 4 or 5, and I eat supper at about midnight/1 am. So I'm hungry now, but dinner isn't until 6:30 tonight (group dinner, I guess). Thank heavens I bought snacks.

I also need to find a cheap fridge/microwave, because neither I nor my roomie have one, and I would like to be able to have food in my room, considering its going to be a while before I get used to my new eat/sleep schedule. (I'm betting on missing breakfast every Tuesday and Thursday, screw getting up at 6:30 am. 7 is bad enough.) Oh, not to mention a new laptop, considering mine is broken. I'm using the computer lab down the hall from my room right now, but I would like to have SOMETHING to do in my room. And books. I have to buy books. The way its set up here is you go to the bookstore with your schedule, pick up the books from the shelf, and buy them. I wish I just knew what books, so I can get them online for cheap. Maybe I'll just go through and list them down. Yay for cheating the system.

Oh, and while my tummy grumbles I'd like to observe that instead of gaining weight (freshman 15) my freshman year, I lost 15 lbs. And this semester, I have a feeling I'll be losing more weight on account of never eating anything but nutra-grain bars and yogurt. So there's a plus to never being awake/around when the dining hall is open. I guess.

Run

I leave for Iowa at noon tomorrow. I've just gotten about halfway through my packing. My apartment is a disaster, but most of my things are either stashed in a suitcase or box.

It hasn't hit me until right now, this moment, that I'm leaving.

I'm not excited. I'm sad. I always told myself that I could be a nomad. That because we moved around so much when I was little, I could just pick up and move anywhere. Without a second glance.

I think that was the case until nearly two years ago. As cliche as it sounds, It feels like my heart, my soul, was ripped in two, separated. And it pains me to be away from the other half for too long. It pains me to be such a long distance away from it. From him. I know, I'm sounding like a sappy teenage girl about it, but I can't help myself right now.

I didn't prepare myself for this kind of reaction. When I seriously applied to Central, it was with the notion that going away to school would be the only way to save my sanity. It was the only way I could get away from the city, from this apartment, from the hurt I had to face day after day. By the time things changed, I'd forgotten about the college. I'd let myself be lulled into the idea of staying in my city, staying in my apartment, and staying in my happy place.

I can't argue that Central isn't a much better choice than say, UWM. I can't argue that I won't be getting a much better education there, a much better chance to start over and discover new things. But it won't be with that other half of my heart. And until I come home again, I know it is going to ache with each beat.

I am, however, glad that I'm leaving on such a good note. It would be even worse if things at home were still cracked. If I hadn't gotten the chance to say goodbye to all of my friends. If I hadn't had the chance to see something new rise up from the cracks in the sidewalk of life.

Still, I know I'm going to cry my eyes out tomorrow when I have to say that most painful goodbye. I know I'm coming back, but a month seems like forever, and what about after that? Who knows. (Also, the fact that I'm listening to Snow Patrol's Run isn't helping.)

Tea

A few days ago (probably more close to a couple weeks ago..eep) I was directed to watch a video entitled "Cup of Brown Joy", a musical ensemble following the British love for tea. For reference, here is the video



And then, I stumbled on the American version. Just for giggles, here it is. (Warning, the American version is much more vulgar. Then again...its American.)



Also, its interesting to note the differences in British and American humor. And why on Earth isn't herbal tea good enough for you Brits? The stuff is delicious and mostly medicinal. How can you go wrong?

Fairy Tales

I've been thinking a lot about fairy tales lately. Why are they so appealing? I've always been a big fan of them, perhaps because of my religious outlooks.

But then, I got to thinking.

I think the real reason I like fairy tales so much, is that I want to be in one. I want to be the average, ho-hum girl that wakes up one day only to have fallen in love with the king of the Unseelie court, thrust into a world of fae.

I also wouldn't mind waking up in the arms of some dark vampire lover (cough, Edward Cullen, cough).

I think its because, in leading an incredibly boring life, I want to step into a world of constant action, danger, romance, and the supernatural. But then, who doesn't? Fairy tales aren't only enjoyed by pagan folk. Everyone likes them.

I really want to go on an adventure, just like in my favorite books (the Tithe series, the Twilight series, and yes, even Harry Potter - land).

Sigh.