Conduct

Hello.

This is just a reminder from your friendly neighborhood barista.

If you don't hang up your freaking cell phone so I can take your order, I will stab* you with a straw. A long straw. I will then skin you alive with a latte spoon.

Also, "JUST LOOKING" is not an appropriate response to "Hello". The acceptable response would sound something like "Hi, just looking".

No, I'm not going to give you all the marked out pastries or the leftover coffee. You wanted some? You should have paid for it before we closed.

No, you can't take money out of the tip jar. Its a tip jar. Not a take-a-penny leave-a-penny jar.

Do not ask me about everything on the menu and make me describe every possible drink in great detail, only to say "pass" and walk away. You just wasted 10 minutes of my time, and pissed off about three people behind you.

I'd love to stand here and chat without about whatever you feel the need to talk about, as long as there isn't a line. Don't give me the stink eye because I cut off the conversation because a line 9 people deep has formed. You'd be glad I did so if you were 8th in line, trust me. On a related note, don't give me the stink eye when you're a few people down the line and I'm trying to communicate with an elderly, semi-deaf person. It just takes an extra second to get things across, and the most they ever want is a cup of plain coffee anyways. Seriously, respect your elders.

On another semi-related note, you don't get to talk to me like I'm 5 simply because I'm younger than you. Do not stand at the hand off area and try to tell me what you're waiting on every time I pass off a drink. Yours is coming up, I promise. Things are made in the order they're ordered. You don't have a golden ticket that gets you your drink instantly.

Also, don't get pissed off at me when you order the wrong thing. YOU ordered it. I TRIED to explain that a cappuccino would be hot, foamy, and not sweet at all. But no. And then, sure enough, you wanted something completely different.

Do not take it upon yourself to organize the bottled drinks we have in the cooler. They're in the order that they're in for a reason. Its not a zen garden. Leave it alone.

And for goodness sakes, don't argue with me about company policy. I'd love to help you out. Really. But for one, I'm lowest on the ladder of importance. My say has no sway whatsoever on anything. And for two, even if I did have say, if you're trying to rip us off, I'm not going to help you.

That is all.