Sunday Salon: Please Stop Laughing at Me...

So, whilst browsing the books in Target today I picked up Jodee Blanco's Please Stop Laughing at Me...

I have to say, I really felt like crying for most of this book. I can't figure out if its because I identify with the story so much, or I felt bad for the extremes the author faced as a teen.

I really won't say much about this book, because I don't want to give away any of the story.

I do want to say, however, that it gave me hope that in 20 years from now...my life will be different. I hope that in 20 years I too, can let go.

So ya want a revelation?

Today I had a revelation. Nay, an epiphany if you will. Something that has been bothering me for a long time has suddenly come into new light. Here goes.

For a long time I've felt like I don't belong anywhere. I've spent my entire life trying to fit in somewhere, anywhere. I've tried my hand at being several different people. (Not like, "Hey, I'm Petunia today", but like...personalities). Granted, all these personalities have some relevance to something I actually enjoy. I've tried to be the artistic girl, the writer girl, the singer, the crafter. These are all things I very much enjoy. However, I'm not super into any one thing. And that's when it hit me. I've been trying to be somebody else for so long, that I don't know who I am.

That sounds odd. I mean, I know who I am, I know what I like, I'm just not sure who I AM yet. I don't know what defines me. I don't have a particular passion. Except my passion for trying to be something. Oddly enough, whatever I'm trying to be...I never feel like I'm "enough". I'm not crafty enough, not goth enough, not artsy enough.

I still need to find that part of myself. Right now I'm doing the few things I know how to do: work and go to school. Hopefully when I transfer I'll have a little more freedom to discover who I am. It's a frightening idea that I'm almost a complete stranger to myself.

Oh, on a side note, I'm working on my first actual novel. On my "to do before I die" list is write a novel and get said novel published. I don't want to make a career out of it or anything. By no means is writing my entire life. However, to see my name and something I've written in print has always been a big dream for me. I know I have my whole life to do this, but why put off something you can do today? Why not start now? I mean hell, this thing could take me years to finish.

Another update, I'm working on actually having my own blog site. I'm trying to come up with a good url, and figure out how I'm going to code the page. If anybody knows a site that would give me my own url, but have an existing blog template, that would be awesome. (I know about freewebs, but that's a freewebs url, not my own. I don't know if they have a pay option that would give my my own url. I'm checking into that momentarily).

Oh, and Merry Christmas to all you Christians out there. Happy Hanukka (or however that's spelled) to those of the Jewish faith. And of course, Happy Yuletide to my fellow pagans. And Happy everything else to those I'm missing.

Peace.

I love him

I haven't really blogged about life in a while, so why not now? I had a good Yule, the pubmoot at Fritz's was especially fun. That's where I met the psychic...yeah.

Work: I've been picking up a TON of hours lately, except I had to call in sick yesterday. I felt like poo. I'm getting on pretty good with my co-workers. I really enjoy working with everyone.

School: Is done for the semester! I got an A in English, which is pretty amazing. Math wasn't so good. D+. Which pretty much pulls down my GPA, and downs the chance of me transferring right away in the spring. Well...I wasn't really wanting to transfer RIGHT AWAY anyways, I was betting on waiting till fall. I got a C+ in Intro to Psychology (worst professor EVER). And a B in Speech, which should be a B with honors but...I don't know. Due to being sick on Friday I didn't make it down to the office to have my transcripts sent anyways. Well. I'll go after the holidays. I'm figuring they won't even be open until like, Thursday.

Love life: Eric has been really sweet to me lately. I think its because I told him about the psychic prediction that we wouldn't last very much longer. He's out practicing with his band right now. I'm so proud of him. I'll get to see his first gig on the 26th of January. Sad to admit, but that's part of the reason I want to wait until fall to transfer to Iowa. I want to see his first show. I'm ignoring the fact that he's half ignoring me today, because I know he's working hard. I have a surprise for him: I'm learning the guitar tabs for our song. Yeah...I have a guitar. No...I don't know how to play it. I've been thinking of selling it for a violin. I can't play the damned thing because my hands are too big to curl around the neck properly. I figure I HAVE to be able to do that with a violin. Maybe I'll have Tiffany teach me. Haha.

Psychic

Today I had an energy reading done by a psychic that came in very high regard.

First she told me that while I was going into Anthropology because I found it interesting, I would find it terribly boring in any future career. She said the best bet would be to persue another passion: music. Namely, the production of music. She said that I would flourish in Chicago.

She said that in two years a little boy spirit would want to be born through me. She said that I would be very tempted to answer the call, but that I should wait. She said that because I'm such a dedicated person, I would either have a family or a career. She also said that if I went to Chicago, the call would be lessened because the father would not be around as much.

I asked if Eric and I would work. She said No. Flat out. I asked how long. She just looked at me and said "you're already having problems with him." I agreed. She said that he grabs me, on the arm, not to cause harm, but nonetheless, he grabs me. This is true. He does this. She said that I had to be careful, because he would end up hitting me, not in anger, but still. She mentioned that he's "quite a stinker" and has quite the temper. She said three months from now I would want to break up. She said do it.

Apparently, I'm to meet the "love of my life" in two years as well. He has dark, dark, dark hair, and black eyes. He's tall, about 6'3". I'll meet him through a friend, and there's no getting around the meeting. I'll meet him in a place that I often frequent, I'm thinking my favorite Starbucks.

She also mentioned my spirit guide. Male, from the 16th Century. His name is Aiden. I immediately knew who she was talking about. I told her that I'd often felt, like a muse near me, when I write. She said that was him. I asked her if the light touches I felt sometimes were him. She said yes, and that sometimes, it was also my guardian angel. She said my angel touches me in times when I am very lonely.

My reaction: WOW. She said some things that were dead-on. My want to persue music. The fact that Eric grabs me sometimes...Although I'm so scared that what she said about him is true. That we'll split in a few months. I can't stand the thought of it. The only thing that will tell for sure is time.

The Interpreter of Maladies (Sunday Salon)

I'm still reading the second book I mentioned in my last Sunday Salon post. I'm finding I have no time lately for reading, which really upsets me. But anyways...back to the book.

I'm looking at every story as a mirror into the way humans are. There's an adulterer, a sad housewife that misses India, an unhappy wife...

Even though every character is either in India, or from India, I can relate to the stories. Some of them are cultural experiances, such as Mrs. Sen missing her home in India...but I feel I can relate to even this, as I think we all feel out of place at one time or another.

I'm looking forward to searching for another book by the same author. The way the stories are written...its as if you are feeling every emotion along with the characters. Wonderful.